THERE'S THIS PLACE
by Patcat
Summary: A missing girl, a troubled detective...
1. Chapter 1

So, the plot bunny bit again...

Chapter One

The steady beep of his cell phone pulled Captain Danny Ross out of one of the deepest sleeps he'd had in some time. "Sorry," he said huskily to his bed partner.

"Ok," she said in a sleep thickened voice. "Could've been mine…"

Ross checked the number and a dull ache immediately began behind his eyes. He flipped open the phone. "Chief…"

"Danny." The Chief's voice was thick with worry, and Ross thought he sounded as if he had also been wakened from a good sleep. "I'm sorry…But there's an emergency…"

Ross sat up. It had been some time since the Chief had addressed him by his first name or spoken to him in such a civil tone.

"What is it?" The Captain knew the news couldn't be good. His companion, now fully awake, also sat up.

"Deputy Mayor Torelli…His granddaughter is missing…"

Ross began to get out of bed. "When…"

"Couple of hours ago. She's thirteen. She was across the street at a neighbor's house…Left about eleven…The mother of the girl having the party saw her start across the street. Torelli's daughter was waiting for her, but away from their front door. The neighbor looked away for a minute…And the girl was gone…Never reached her house."

Ross thought of his two sons and a quick, cold, sharp blade of fear tickled his spine.

"Danny…I want your best detectives on this…"

"Chief," Ross said deliberately. "You know who I think my best detectives are."

"I know…I know," the Chief said. "Get them…Vic Torelli is a good guy…A great supporter of the Department…I was at this girl's baptism…Just get your best out there, Danny…Please…" The Chief sounded less like a political animal than a desperate one.

"Yes, Chief…I'll get them and I'll be at the scene as soon as I can."

"Something they need me for?" Ross' companion asked as he shut his phone.

"Not yet," Ross said grimly. "And I hope not at all. I'm sorry…"

"No problem…The evening was great…All of it…"

He smiled at her and leaned over to kiss her. He ran his hand through her short hair. "The blonde look is ok," he said. "But I prefer it darker…"

She smiled at him. "I'll bring doughnuts to Major Case later."

As he headed for the bathroom, Ross checked the clock. "One," he thought. "I'll wake Eames up and she'll be furious. Goren will probably be up. He may even still be at Major Case…"

Alex Eames groaned and buried her head in her pillow. "If I ignore it, maybe it'll go away," she thought, but the cell phone's beeping stubbornly continued. "All right…All right…" she muttered. She found the phone, saw her Captain's number displayed, and felt a heavy weight in her stomach. A call at this hour meant only bad news.

"Yes, Captain…"

Ross was apologetic as he described the purpose of his call. As he neared the end of his story, he hesitantly asked if he should call her partner.

"Yes," Alex answered. "Goren may still be at the squad room."

It was a good excuse for her not to call Bobby. Things were better between them, but there were still awkward moments, and cases like this seemed to produce a lot of those. At this moment, Alex wanted to avoid one.

"Besides," Alex thought as she slipped on her clothes. "I told Ross the truth. Bobby will probably be up, and he'll probably be at Major Case…But I wish we could talk to each other without walking on eggshells."

Ross and Eames were half right. Bobby Goren was at One Police Plaza, but he wasn't up. His long legs dangling out of the bunk, he lay on his back and slept a light, disconcerted sleep. Some two hours earlier his body and mind began to suggest that he give them a few hours of rest. As part of his efforts to cooperate with the department and, more importantly, his partner, Bobby was trying to listen to his mind and body's requests that he take better care of them. He'd stumbled down to the crib, surveyed its grey atmosphere, and asked his body and mind if they really wanted to rest down there. The answer was in the affirmative, and he tumbled into the bunk. He slept, but not so deeply that he didn't hear his cell phone. He skipped checking the number. The only people who would call him at this hour would be involved with his work, and they could only bear bad news.

"Goren," he answered. He felt a twinge of disappointment when he heard Ross' voice instead of Alex's in response, but he was up and moving towards the stairs as Ross explained the situation. As the Captain revealed the few details he had on the case, Bobby's stomach tightened. He knew very little about the case, but already Bobby knew this was one of those cases that would consume him.

Ross sensed this as well. "I'm sorry, Detective," he apologized. "This has all the signs of being a bad case. Eames said she'd meet you at the scene. Are you at Major Case?"

"Yes, Sir…I'll try to catch a ride with some of the techs…"

"Goren…I want you to know that when the Chief of D's asked for my best detectives, I knew who I wanted," Ross said deliberately. "You and Eames are my best."

"Thank you, Sir," Bobby said quietly.

Bobby managed to catch one of the CSU vans as it left One PP. The CSU Techs were in two camps regarding Bobby Goren. Some hated his invasion of crime scenes, the way he stormed in their way, and how he told them to do their jobs. Others, delighted to find a detective who knew and appreciated their work, were fascinated by Goren and his methods and welcomed him at their crime scenes. The tech Bobby sat next to in the van was in the latter camp.

"Great," the tech muttered as they turned on the street where the girl disappeared. A swarm of police and vehicles greeted them. "We didn't have much of a scene to start, and now they're trampling anything we might have."

"Yea," Bobby said as they pulled up to the scene. "And we have to tread carefully."

The tension in his body eased slightly when Bobby saw Alex. Dressed in a crisp navy blue suit and holding two large coffees, Alex had already taken charge of the scene. Bobby flashed his badge at several uniforms and moved steadily towards his partner.

Alex sensed Bobby's presence before she saw him. It wasn't an unusual experience for her, and she never knew if it resulted from the reactions of others to Bobby, his considerable aura, or some psychic link they possessed. Whatever it was, Alex was grateful that the connection was finally returning after its disappearance during and after Bobby's suspension. She turned to study her partner, and was pleased to see he had shaved, his hair was neatly combed, and his suit pressed. He radiated professionalism and competence.

"Hey," she said and handed him one of the coffees.

"Thank you," he said and took a long drink.

"Ross told me you were at the squad room, and I figured there wasn't any good stuff there at this time of the night…or morning," Alex said. She looked around the scene. "I don't think this is going to be easy…."

"I'm afraid that may be an understatement," Bobby said. He took another drink. "Well…let's do our jobs."

END CHAPTER ONE


	2. Chapter 2

Sorry it's taken me a while to get writing again.

CHAPTER TWO

"All right," Alex said. "Neighbor that way…" She pointed left with her coffee cup. "Mother that way…" She nodded towards the right. "Both…well…" She shrugged her shoulders to suggest she didn't care who she interviewed, or if they performed the interviews together, but Bobby knew that speed dictated they interview the women separately. And he knew that Alex didn't want to speak to the mother. He didn't want to talk to the mother. He didn't know any cop who would want to talk to the mother. "I owe her," he thought.

"I'll talk to the mother," he said.

Alex looked at him in surprise. "Ok," she said. "Good luck."

A somber sergeant led Bobby though the Torelli home's front door. "The mother and the grandfather are in the living room…The father's at some business meeting in Washington and is catching the first flight back…There's a girl…fifteen…and a boy…five…They're supposed to be upstairs asleep…"

Bobby noted the information in his binder.

"The mother's been cooperative…CSU is checking the girl's room…" The sergeant continued.

"What's your take on the mother?" Bobby liked the sergeant's efficiency.

"Very…controlled…." Encouraged by Bobby' interest, she continued. "Some of the other guys think she's cold…But I'm a mom…I think she's trying to hold it together for all of her kids…She's been very open about everything except letting us near the two kids…I think she's knows the odds aren't good…"

Bobby nodded.

"'Course…I'm human…I could be wrong…I certainly hope this is a case that beats the odds…After all, I'm still in the bag…"

"I get the sense you like wearing the blues," Bobby said quietly.

"Ah, that's why you're a detective," the sergeant said. "Yea…I like the hands on action…" Her face grew sadder as they neared the living room. "The mom's in here."

Bobby saw a slim, dark blonde haired woman dressed in a white polo shirt and crisp blue jeans sitting on a burgundy couch. The hair looked to be her natural color and the couch, like everything in the room, was expensive but tasteful. Three men circled the woman as if she'd shatter if they spoke to or touched her. Two of the men were uniforms, while the other was just beyond middle age. He wore a dark blue suit with a white shirt and red tie—the politician's uniform. Much to his past and present superiors' dismay, Bobby's vast knowledge didn't include all the names and faces of New York City powerbrokers that could bring the NYPD to grief, but Bobby reasoned that this man was Deputy Mayor Torelli.

"Mrs. Torelli," the sergeant said softly. "This is Detective Goren. He's one of the detectives who'll find your daughter."

Bobby wasn't sure if the sergeant's optimism was cruel or kind. The three other men ceased pacing. The two cops tried to study Bobby without actually looking at him, but the older man stepped forward. Before he could speak, Bobby turned to Mrs. Torelli.

"Mrs. Torelli," he said, using his gentlest voice. "I'm sorry…But I need to ask you…"

She looked up at him. Her green eyes were lined in red, but she was remarkably composed, far more than the man Bobby guessed to be her father-in-law.

"I understand, Detective," she said flatly. "I know you have to move quickly. I've already given a picture of Chelsea to an officer…But here's another…" She handed Bobby a school picture of a girl with green eyes much like her mother's and curly black hair. Her half smiling mouth showed braces on her teeth, and she faced the camera with a mixture of expectation and caution. Chelsea Torelli was on the verge of becoming a pretty young woman, one who wouldn't have to labor under the shadows of being horribly unattractive or overwhelmingly beautiful.

"May I…" Bobby held up the photo.

Mrs. Torelli nodded. "She's fourteen…She was at a party for one of our neighbors' daughters…Jodi Thayer…Jodi lives with her mom and stepdad and a half brother and sister across the street…"

The Deputy Mayor had been making a valiant effort to control himself, but a question exploded from him. "Why aren't you talking to Mrs. Quint? She was the last person to see Chelsea…"

Bobby barely swung his head in Torelli's direction. "My partner, Detective Eames, is speaking to her right now…We have officers questioning the neighbors." He turned back to Chelsea's mother. "Mrs. Torelli…"

"Elizabeth," she sighed. "I suspect we'll be seeing a lot of each other in the future."

Bobby felt off balance and wondered if it wouldn't have been wiser to let Eames take this interview or wait for her to conduct it together. "Thank you," he said carefully.

"Here's a list of Chelsea's teachers and her class schedule…The administrators at her school…She swam and played soccer and softball…Sang in the choir…played in the orchestra…Here's a list of her friends…At least the ones I know about." The woman smiled wanly.

"Beth," the Deputy Mayor said. "You're a great mother…I'm sure you know all of Chelsea's friends." He turned to Bobby. "Why aren't you searching the neighborhood? Posting her picture…."

"Sir," Bobby said gently and respectfully, although at the moment he felt neither particularly gentle or respectful. "Your granddaughter's picture has been sent to every on duty NYPD cop by now. We've contacted the FBI." Bobby didn't personally know any of these things had been done, but he knew that Alex had seen to them. "We're doing everything we can."

"Please, Victor," Elizabeth Torelli said. "They're doing what they can…"

Bobby examined Elizabeth Torelli. He'd rarely encountered a family member who was so steady, so calm, so prepared. Her attitude didn't seem the result of callousness or an attempt to hide something, but something born of experience. "She knows," Bobby thought. "She knows that the changes of Chelsea being alive are very low…And that they get lower every minute…It's as if she's been through this before."

"As far as I know," Elizabeth continued. "Chelsea wouldn't run away…She didn't use drugs or alcohol…Sports are important to her, and she always took care of herself…She doesn't have a boyfriend that I know of…She's mentioned a couple of boys…I circled their names on the list…But it was nothing more than saying they were cute or nice…Her grades are good…Not spectacular…But good…We…Tony and I…We want her to be a well rounded kid…to have fun while she's a kid…She's meant to get in an Ivy League school…She'll get in…"

"You didn't see anything," Bobby asked.

Elizabeth shook her head. "Jodi's mom called me to let me know Chelsea was headed home…I was going to open the door for her…"

"Detective," Victor Torelli interrupted.

"Please, Sir," Bobby said. "I need to hear Mrs. Torelli's story." He desperately wished Eames was at his side. "My God," Bobby thought. "I really depend on her."

"Mrs. Torelli," Bobby said gently. "You mentioned Jodi…Is she a friend of Chelsea's?"

"No…We're neighbors…Friends by location…Jodi and Chelsea played together when they were younger…Went to the same daycare…Elly Quint and I were on some neighborhood organizations together…She and her daughter are very nice, but I doubt we would've been friends if we didn't live across the street from each other…I think Jodi invited Chelsea to this party more because they used to be close than because they're close now…But they didn't dislike each other…I don't think Chelsea had any enemies in school…But you'll need to talk to Tony…"

"Chelsea is close to her father?" Bobby's pen hovered over the paper in his binder.

Elizabeth smiled sadly. "Do you have children, Detective?"

"No," Bobby said softly. The question had almost stopped hurting him. Almost. "I've noticed that some children are closer to one parent or another…Not because anyone loves anyone more or less…But because they're different people…"

"That's true," Elizabeth said. "I'm closer to my older daughter Marie…and to my son Greg…But he's only five…" She glanced upstairs, and for the first time Bobby saw fear in her eyes.

"Your other children are upstairs," Bobby said.

Elizabeth nodded and gripped the couch's edge.

"She's worried about the other kids," Bobby thought. "She's not cold…She's trying to hold everything together for them…Like she knows what they're going through…"

"Their rooms are in the back of the house," Elizabeth said. Her voice was controlled, but Bobby heard an edge in it. "Maria was watching TV…Greg…I think…I hope…is asleep…He usually sleeps through everything…If you could wait to speak to them…"

"How," the Deputy Mayor asked anxiously. "Is any of this going to find my granddaughter?"

Bobby took a breath, counted, and was about to respond when Elizabeth spoke.

"Please…Victor…They have to ask a lot of questions…They don't know what might be important."

"Sir," Bobby said politely. "Perhaps you could help the officers…Give them a list of people you think might have an argument with you."

Torelli looked sadly at Bobby. "I'm a politician, Detective. I have a long list of enemies…"

"Yes, Sir," Bobby replied. "I understand that. The list would be a great help to us."

One of the uniforms gave Bobby a distinctly unhappy look a he walked away with Mr. Torelli.

"Please don't be too hard on him," Elizabeth said. "He loves his grandchildren…His schedule doesn't let him spend as much time with them as he'd like…He overcompensates…And he's used to people doing what he wants…He's not used to being powerless…" She gave Bobby a look that caused his heart to jump in his throat. "The odds are she's not alive."

Bobby forced down his heart. "It's early," he said carefully. "There's hope…"

Elizabeth pushed a strand of hair out of her eyes. "You're honest," she said. "I want honesty…I don't want happy lies."

"You…You seem to know something about procedure," Bobby said cautiously.

"I've been through something like this before…My maiden name was Reynolds…Scotty Reynolds was my brother…"

Bobby remembered the case. The Academy taught it as an example of how not to handle a missing child case. The Reynolds' family's wealth and influence, the hysteria surrounding the boy's disappearance, and the department's top to bottom blundering turned what should have been a straightforward kidnapping for ransom by an appallingly incompetent ex-con into the victim's death, a black eye for the NYPD, and the resignations and retirements of several officers.

"Thank you," Bobby said. "For treating us…me…so well…You have every right to throw us all out…"

Elizabeth studied him. "Holding a grudge isn't going to help Chelsea," she said. "Although, not holding one might not help either." He mask slipped, and she covered her face with her hands. Bobby again desperately wished Alex was with him.

He tentatively touched Elizabeth's arm. "I won't lie to you," he said, choosing his words carefully. "But the department is different now…We have more and better tools…We…I…will do all we can to find Chelsea…"

Elizabeth slowly lowered her hands. "Thank you," she said. "Thank you for the small hope…"

END CHAPTER TWO

Patcat


	3. Chapter 3

CHAPTER THREE

Bobby met Alex on the sidewalk in front of the Torelli home. She looked as grim as he felt.

"Anything?" he asked.

She shook her head. "One of the girls at the party thought she saw a white van with a red stripe just after Chelsea disappeared. But that's about it. The mother of the girl giving the party is very upset."

"More than the missing kid's mom…" a uniform muttered.

Bobby spun and glared at the cop. "You," he said coldly. "Know nothing about that woman and how and why and what she feels."

The cop shrank before Bobby's anger.

"I'm sure," Alex said as she stepped between her partner and the cop. "You've got something to do besides listen to us."

The cop nodded and slunk away.

"I take it," Alex said carefully. "The mother isn't reacting the way some people think she should…And she's not on our list of suspects…"

Bobby stared after the retreating uniform. "I wouldn't say she's off the list," he said after a moment. "But she's certainly near the bottom…You'll let me know if you think differently."

"You know I will," Alex said. "The mom of the girl who gave the party is at the bottom of my list…And the father was with the other kids at a movie…Chelsea's mom too calm for some people…"

Bobby nodded. "She has her reasons. I'll fill you in…"

"I think we've done everything we can here," Alex said. "Aside from that guy," she nodded in the direction of the fleeing uniform. "We've got good people here…Let's get back to the squad and put things together."

As they drove back to Major Case, they exchanged what little information they had.

"There's been no ransom request yet," Alex said.

"Does anyone think this is a kidnapping for ransom?" Bobby asked softly.

Alex shook her head. "There's still the possibility," she said. "And once this hits the press, the nuts and cons will pop up…"

"Yea," Bobby sighed. "We've got taps on the Torelli's phones…Uniforms in place…The Deputy Mayor wants to help, but…"

"His idea of help may not be ours," Alex said.

"Elizabeth Torelli," Bobby said after a moment. "Used to be Elizabeth Reynolds…The sister of Scotty Reynolds…"

Alex winced. "No wonder she's reserved. We're lucky she let us in the house. That case was not one of the NYPD's great moments."

Ross pounced on them the moment they stepped inside Major Case. "Please tell me you have something."

"All we've got is the possible sighting of a possible white van with a possible red stripe," Alex answered.

"This girl didn't just disappear into the air," Ross said.

Bobby was already seated in front of his computer and lost in its screen. Alex nodded at Ross. "We know, Sir. You getting pressure…"

"Torelli's called me," Ross said. "But to thank me for the sensitivity of my detective. Thank you for that, Eames."

"I didn't interview Mrs. Torelli," Alex said. "Bobby did that."

Ross looked at Bobby with some surprise, although the detective was oblivious.

"One of my sons," Ross said quietly. "Is the same age as this girl."

"We'll keep you updated, Captain," Alex reassured him.

"The father's plane is due to land at JFK around seven," Alex said as Ross walked away. "We should meet him there, especially if we want to talk to him before the press gets hold of the story."

Bobby nodded. "We should arrange interviews with the kids at the party and their parents."

"Chelsea was the last to leave, and the only one who walked home. The other girls were picked up," Alex said.

"Maybe someone saw something else," Bobby said.

"And maybe the canvas of the neighborhood will come up with something," Alex added, although she doubted her words as much as Bobby did his.

"Hope," Bobby muttered. "We have to have hope…"

"Hey." Alex rolled her chair next to Bobby. "You ok? You get enough sleep before you got dragged out on this?"

"Yea…I'm ok…How are you doing?"

"These sorts of cases are never easy," she said after a beat. "But I'm ok."

"So," Bobby thought as he turned back to his computer. "We can still say the right things to each other…Even when they're not true."

They'd worked quietly and intently for little more than an hour—Alex fielding reports from the canvassing cops, Bobby looking for similar cases—when Bobby looked up from his computer screen.

"Eames," he said urgently. "Look at this. Another missing girl…about three months ago."

"Fourteen," Alex read over his shoulder. "Grabbed off the street when she came home from a basketball game…"

"Toya Phillips," Bobby said. "Daughter of a single mom up in Harlem…We need to check on this."

"Yea, but only after we talk to Chelsea's father, the other kids, parents, her teachers, friends…" Alex said wearily.

Bobby stared at the photo of Toya Phillips. Aside from their racial and class differences, Toya and Chelsea were very much alike, both girls on the edge of becoming pretty women. "It must be more than a coincidence," he thought. "It must be."

A long day followed the long night. Bobby and Alex managed to reach Anthony Torelli just as he left his plane and before his father and his entourage arrived, but his nearly hysterical state prevented him from providing much information. He seized upon Alex and Bobby for emotional support and desperately asked for any information about his daughter. The appearance of the Deputy Mayor offered both detectives a great deal of relief.

"Very different reaction from the mother," Alex commented.

"Yes," Bobby said evenly. "Elizabeth Torelli was actually helpful."

"Not fair, Bobby," Alex said with equal calm. "Just a different reaction…He may be upset he wasn't around to protect her."

"True," Bobby admitted. "We know why the mother is so controlled. There may be a good reason for the father's hysteria." He sat silently for several minutes in the SVU. Alex didn't press him. "Up to this point," Bobby said deliberately. "Anthony Torelli has had a charmed life. He's worked hard. He's had advantages, but he's built on them. This is the first real tragedy in his life. He's not lost anything or anyone in his life, not even a grandparent…"

"Tragedy?" Alex asked sharply. "You've given up finding Chelsea alive?"

"It's already a tragedy…even if we find her in the next five minutes," Bobby said. "Nothing will be the same for them."

"You don't think either of the parents had anything to do with her disappearance?"

"No…not unless we learn something," Bobby said slowly. "What about you?"

"I agree," Alex said as she carefully navigated around a delivery van. "I don't think either of them capable of it. More importantly, I don't think there's any way either of them could have done it."

"Good," Bobby said. He stared at his binder, and turned to look at Alex. "Just let me know if you think I'm getting off track."

"You know I will," Alex said firmly.

Their interviews with the other girls who attended the party and their parents proved fruitless and frustrating. One of the fathers thought he might have seen a white van just before he picked up his daughter. All of the girls insisted that Chelsea was happy and content.

"I didn't know her that well," one of the girls said. "But she was nice…just nice. I can't imagine anyone wanting to hurt her."

They heard the same from Chelsea's teachers and friends. They were puzzled and frightened and confused, and the detectives sensed they were reluctant to speak to the police. It wasn't that they didn't want to help or didn't care about Chelsea. They were people whose only experiences with the police were traffic tickets and/or television, and they expected to spend their lives with no further contact with the law.

"All we've got from all of that is that ghost of a van," Alex commented as they drove back to Major Case.

"They're afraid…the parents and teachers especially," Bobby said. "This sort of thing…It's a reminder that no matter what they do to protect their kids…No matter what schools they send them to…They can't save their kids…And they realize it's just…just…whatever you believe in…" He waved a large paw. "I think they're afraid other kids…their kids…will be tainted by bad luck…"

"You make me want to go find my nephew and give him a big hug," Alex said.

"I…I'm sorry, Eames. I…I didn't meant to spook you," Bobby said. "But it's why Elizabeth Torelli…She knows…how fragile…how slim…How things are just chances…"

"You know the same things," Alex said as she drove into the parking garage. "It's why she trusts you."

"Maybe," Bobby said softly. "Maybe it's because both of us know the world isn't a safe place."

END CHAPTER THREE


	4. Chapter 4

CHAPTER FOUR

CHAPTER FOUR

No news waited for them at Major Case. There were no ransom demands, no sightings of Chelsea, no reports of white vans. The first stories in the press had produced the usual calls from the usual people with varying degrees of mental illnesses and cons

"All we've got is that white van," Alex said as they sat at their desks. "With or without a red stripe."

"That van," Bobby said. He stared intently at his computer screen. "Toya Phillips. A white van…Someone reported a white van…We need to look at that case…Talk to her mother…"

"It's not much of a link," Alex said.

"I know," Bobby admitted. "But we don't have much more."

His cell phone ran, and Bobby checked the number. "Elizabeth Torelli," he said. He stood and walked away as he answered the phone.

As Bobby moved away, a grey and weary Ross approached Alex's desk. "Do you have anything, Alex?"

"Well, neither of us thinks the parents had anything to do with the girl's disappearance. The parents of the girl who gave the party are out of the picture too. It doesn't appear to have anything to do with the Deputy Mayor, although we're still looking into that. We're certain she didn't run away. But all we really have is a white van. Goren thinks he may have discovered a similar disappearance."

"Looks like a random snatch off the street?" Ross asked.

Alex nodded. "But this was a girl in Harlem who wasn't related to a Deputy Mayor."

Bobby, his shoulders slumped, returned.

"How is Mrs. Torelli?" Alex asked, and Ross failed to hide his interest.

"Trying to hold things together," Bobby answered. "I don't know if it's better or worse that she knows something of what to expect."

"How…" Ross began.

"Her brother was Scotty Reynolds," Alex said.

"Damn," Ross said. "What bad luck…"

"I think she's feeling cursed," Bobby said. "She wanted to know if we'd found out anything…I didn't fool her for a moment when I told her we were working on some leads."

"Detective," Ross said. "You're not responsible for Chelsea Torelli's disappearance. Just for finding her."

"Right now," Bobby said. "I don't feel like I'm doing such a good job with that."

"It's been only a few hours, Detective. Don't beat yourself up over this," Ross said. "It goes without saying that you need to keep me up to date." He returned to his office.

"The Captain's right, you know," Alex said softly. "How's Elizabeth Torelli?"

"She needed someone to talk to," Bobby said. "She had a fight with her husband. He accused her of not taking care of Chelsea…"

Alex winced. "Not fair."

"Yea, but understandable," Bobby said. "He was away when this happened…He couldn't protect his family…The child he's closest to…He's impotent and scared and angry. The closest person to direct that anger at is his wife. Mrs. Torelli knows that. She just wanted somebody else to tell her that. And to let us know about the fight before the uniforms who overheard do."

"I'm not quite sure how to take her," Alex said.

"She's trying to be open with us because she knows hiding things will hurt the search for Chelsea," Bobby said. "I've looked into her brother's case. There were things her family hid that could've helped the police. And I think she's trying to protect her other children. She knows what they're going through."

"The past seems to be creeping up on this case," Alex said.

"Yea…and it may have more to do with it. Let's see if we can find Toya Phillips' mom and get her to talk with us," Bobby said.

Neither task was easy. It took some time to track down Regine Phillips, who had moved from the Harlem apartment where she lived with her daughter when Toya went missing. It took a phone call from Bobby at his most charming and persuasive to convince Ms. Phillips to see them. It was late when Bobby and Alex headed to the Bronx.

"Maybe we should wait and do this tomorrow," Alex said.

Bobby shook his head. "She may change her mind. She may have already changed her mind."

"Her daughter's disappearance didn't get much attention," Alex said as she maneuvered the SUV through the remnants of evening traffic. "Regine Phillips has a couple of busts for possession and prostitution…Several years ago and nothing recent…Toya had some trouble in school…Again, nothing recent."

"Just enough to make the cops suspicious of them both," Bobby said.

Alex sighed. "I'm a little surprised she's willing to talk to us at all."

Regine Phillips' new address was in a neighborhood and building where Alex and Bobby were clearly outsiders. By the time they reached Ms. Phillips' door the two detectives felt a thousand wary and hostile eyes on them. A large black man—larger and younger than Bobby—opened the apartment door.

"Why you messing with Reggie?" he asked. His heavily muscled body blocked the doorway.

"There's been another disappearance of a girl," Alex answered calmly. "There are similarities to Toya's case."

"Yea," the man said, folding his massive arms across his chest. "We saw it on TV. A white girl. Granddaughter of some city official. You're doing more to find her than you ever did for Toya."

"Look," Bobby said calmly from behind Alex. "Ms. Phillips has every right to be angry. Anyone who cares about Toya does…But if we find out about this girl…about Chelsea…We may be able to find out what happened to Toya…"

"We know you got treated badly by other cops," Alex said. "We're sorry about that. "But we're not those cops."

"Al," a voice said from inside the apartment. "Let 'em in…Let 'em say their piece."

Al turned back to look inside the apartment. "Reggie…You sure, Baby?" The gentle warmth and care in his voice struck both Bobby and Alex.

"Yea…Yea, I am."

Al stepped slowly out of Alex and Bobby's way and watched them closely as they passed through the tiny, but neat and clean, kitchen. In contrast to the disheveled and dirty appearance of the building's exterior and halls, the apartment was immaculate. Regine Phillips, her hair in beautiful braids and dressed in a bright blue shirt, worn but clean jeans, and blue Croc knockoffs, sat on the couch and faced them with a mixture of defiance, hope, and resignation. The memory of Elizabeth Torelli on a very different couch passed through Bobby's mind.

"We appreciate you seeing us on such short notice," Alex said. "After what happened, we appreciate you seeing us at all."

Regine Phillips studied the detectives carefully. "You're Detective Goren…I talked to you on the phone…"

"Yes, Ms. Phillips…This is my partner, Detective Eames."

Ms. Phillips examined the detectives for several minutes. "Al," she finally said. "Would you get a couple of chairs, please?"

"You sure, Baby?" The hostility had left the big man's voice.

"Yea…I'm sure. Can we get you anything?" Regine asked.

"No," Bobby said. "Thank you, but we're good."

Al returned with two folding chairs. Alex perched carefully on one; Bobby leaned forward in the other. Al took up guard duty and leaned against a wall. Bobby opened his binder and focused on Regine.

"Please," he said. "Tell me about Toya."

She told him about Toya, and a great deal more. She told him about Toya's no good father, about how she and her daughter escaped from him, and how, after a bad time when she did things she wasn't proud of and Toya nearly fell into the grip of the streets, Regine got herself together and trained as a beautician. She got a good job and Toya discovered basketball.

"Things were good," Regine said. "I met Al." She smiled up at the big man, who walked over to her and placed his large hands lightly and tenderly on her shoulders. "Toya loves Al…"

"I love her," Al declared firmly. "I know what some of the cops thought. I've had troubles with the law, but not for a long time." His voice shook with anger and grief. "I lost a little girl to cancer about ten years ago. Ruined my marriage. Damn near killed me. I could never hurt any child, let alone Toya."

Regine's hands moved to cover Al's. "He's got me through the past three months," she said.

"I see that," Bobby said softly.

Regine Phillips flung open the doors to her memories. She told Bobby and Alex everything she could remember about the night Toya disappeared. Al stood silently behind her, leaving only to bring her a glass of water and speaking only to add something to her words.

"Did anyone look into that van I saw?" Al asked when Regine finished her account.

Bobby and Alex tried not to show the excitement they felt.

"It's mentioned in the reports," Alex said. "But there's not a lot of details."

"Damn," Al said bitterly. "Didn't I tell you those cops weren't listening to us?" he said to Regine.

"These cops are listening to us," she replied.

Al took a deep breath. "I told the cops. I told them I saw this white van around the neighborhood…It had Jersey plates and a white guy was driving it. I couldn't figure out what it was doing around here."

"What do you remember about it?" Alex asked. Bobby scribbled notes.

"It was a Chevy…mid nineties…" Al frowned. "I remember some red on one side. Like there were some letters that had been painted over. Cops seemed to think it didn't matter."

Bobby struggled to hide his rage at those cops. "I…I'm sorry," he said when he could trust his voice.

"If they had checked on this," Regine asked. "Would it have helped?"

Bobby and Alex shared a quick, sad look. "We don't know," Bobby said.

"You two have kids?" Al asked.

Bobby felt that pain he thought he was almost over. Almost.

"Nephews," Alex responded. "Both of us. I've got lots of nieces and nephews. We'd do…have done…anything for them."

"Why," Bobby, eager to get away from the subject of children and nephews, asked. "Did you move?"

"We were planning to…before…" Regine answered. "This is Al's place. We're going to get married…We're going to get a bigger place…The high school near here has a good girls' basketball team and is good in academics…But…" She tightly gripped Al's hands.

"In Regine's old neighborhood," Al said. "Everyone stared at us…The police always seemed to be around…Waiting to catch us in a lie…" He took a deep breath. "I offered…"

"At first, I didn't want to move," Regine said. "If Toya came back…But it all got too much…Maybe I'm a coward…but it's easier here."

"You're not a coward," Alex said.

"Was there anyone in your old neighborhood who saw anything?" Bobby asked.

"There were these two homeless ladies," Al said. "Nice ladies…not pushy or scary…just…a little touched in the head….But they saw everything that happened on that block."

"I remember them," Regine said. "We took care of them…Gave them food and money…Made sure they got inside if the weather was bad…I think we mentioned them to the cops…"

"We'll talk to them," Bobby declared. "If we can find them." He looked at Alex, who silently confirmed that the interview was over. "Ms. Phillips," he said as he stood. "I'm sorry you were treated so badly. I'm sorry we haven't found Toya. I promise you we'll do better."

Regine stood. "You don't think she's alive, do you?"

Behind her, Al winced. Bobby couldn't meet her gaze. He shifted his binder awkwardly from one hand to the other. "I have to admit, the odds are against it," he finally said.

"Look at this, Al," Regine said sadly. "An honest cop." She walked Bobby and Alex to the door. "Thank you, detectives. At least I know there are good people who will really try to find Toya. I don't question why. I'm just grateful for it."

Alex and Bobby returned to their SUV surrounded by the same curious and hostile eyes that watched them enter the building.

"I'm glad the car was still in one piece," Alex said. "Although Regine Phillips has plenty of reasons to hate the police."

Bobby nodded. "We'll have to check in her old neighborhood. Maybe we can find the homeless women. Maybe they saw something."

"A lot of maybes," Alex said. "And we only have the van to connect the two girls."

"I know," Bobby said. "But it's the best we got right now."

In spite of the late hour, Ross waited for them at Major Case.

"We've had nothing," he told them. "No serious ransom demands. No legitimate sightings. We've followed up on the Deputy Mayor's rivals and enemies. Nothing."

"We might have something," Alex said. "But it doesn't make the Department look good."

"This doesn't make me feel better," Ross said after Bobby and Alex explained the possible connection between Toya Phillips and Chelsea Torelli. "Leaving aside the Department's fumbling of the Phillips' girl's disappearance, you're telling me we have some creep grabbing young girls off the streets. Should we let the press know about the van?"

"I don't know, Sir," Bobby said. He rubbed the back of his neck. "We really just have these vague sightings and descriptions. And even if there is something to them…It could warn the perp, if there is a perp…I…I don't know…" For a moment, Bobby allowed his fatigue and despair and anger to slip out from behind his carefully constructed and maintained mask.

"Both of you need some rest," Ross said sympathetically. "You've been at for over twenty hours. Go home."

Alex sighed. She looked better than Bobby to Ross' eyes, but the day had left its mark on her. "I'm not sure I could sleep if I went home, Captain." She shivered, and all three detectives remembered what had happened the last time Alex went home during a pressing case. Bobby jerked and stared at the ground.

"Detectives." Ross' gentle voice broke through the heavy silence. "You've done what you can. If you're exhausted, you can't do your jobs. At the very least, get down to the crib and try to get some sleep."

"Ok," Alex said.

Bobby and Alex stumbled down to the crib. "It's been nearly twenty-four hours since Chelsea disappeared," Alex said.

"I know," Bobby mumbled as he sat heavily on one of the narrow, flat bunk beds. "I know."

END CHAPTER FOUR


	5. Chapter 5

CHAPTER FIVE

When Alex stiffly rose from the narrow, uncomfortable bunk she discovered that Bobby was already up and in the squad room. It was a pattern that continued over the next days as they followed good, bad, and indifferent leads in both Chelsea and Toya's disappearances. Even with the FBI's cooperation, Bobby found no similar cases. Alex wasn't certain if their return to Toya's case was the reason for the resignation of one of the cops involved in the initial investigation, but she hoped it was. No one in the Phillips' old neighborhood had anything to say—or at least wouldn't say anything—and the search for the two homeless women stalled with the discoveries that one had died and the other couldn't be found.

They remained in contact with the missing girls' families. In spite of the original cops' suspicions, it quickly became clear that neither Al nor Regine had anything to do with Toya's disappearance. It also became clear that neither Elizabeth nor Anthony Torelli had anything to do with their daughter's case. But no suspects or leads appeared. Bobby and Alex and other cops interviewed friends, family, teachers, and anyone with any connection to the girls who would talk to them. They happily accepted SVU's assistance in tracing down any sex offenders in the area of the two disappearances.

Alex watched Bobby carefully. He wasn't getting enough sleep, he wasn't eating well, he was still dealing with the repercussions of his brother's death and his mentor's betrayal, and this was the sort of case that stuck and twisted a knife in his gut. Given those pressures, he was performing remarkably well. Among other things, he convinced the Brass of the connections between the missing girls' cases.

The work was grunt work, but the most painful aspects of the investigation were the conversations with the girls' families. It may have been sparked by Alex's comments about nephews, but Regine Phillips connected with and trusted her. Elizabeth Torelli continued to place her confidence in Bobby. Her father-in-law and husband took for granted the attention they demanded from the NYPD, but Elizabeth was grateful and gracious in her dealings with it and its members. She allowed Bobby to interview her other children. She didn't object to Bobby and Alex's examination and search of Chelsea's rooms in both the Torellis' city and Long Island homes.

Anthony Torelli was less hospitable—at moments, he was downright hostile. As the two detectives began to search Chelsea's room in the New York City home, the distraught father burst into the room so violently that Bobby stepped in front of Alex.

"Why," he snapped at Bobby. "Why are you going through Chelsea's things? Why aren't you out there finding her?"

Torelli ignored Alex. As much as his wife had placed her trust in and gave her worries and fears and questions to Bobby, Torelli had directed all of his anger and fury at him. Bobby quietly accepted his roles with both parents.

"There are a lot of people looking for Chelsea," Bobby said calmly. "But we need to look for things that might help us. And we're not sure what those things might be. I'm sorry—I know it looks like we're ransacking her room. That's not what we're doing."

Torelli hovered over them as Bobby and Alex searched his lost daughter's room. After several minutes, Elizabeth Torelli joined them.

"C'mon, Tony," she said gently. "Let them do their job."

Torelli glared at his wife and then at Alex and Bobby as if he could will them to find Chelsea. "All right," he finally said. "But I know my daughter…She didn't keep secrets from me." He stormed out of the room.

"I'm sorry," Elizabeth said.

"It's all right," Bobby said. "We understand."

"We do?" Alex asked after Elizabeth followed her husband.

"Eames," Bobby said as he paged through Chelsea's school notebooks. "You were always close to your Dad…"

"You know I was…Still am…"

"But did you tell him everything when you were fourteen?"

"Point taken," Alex said. "Mr. Torelli's not ready to give up his little girl."

"Yea," Bobby said. "Hey…She writes poetry…Not great poetry, but not too bad for a fourteen year old girl."

Alex looked around his arm. "It's dedicated to someone named Ray…Maybe Chelsea had a boyfriend after all."

Bobby handed Chelsea's notebook to Alex and flipped open his own. "Rajinah Saleen…one of her classmates…did we…"

"We did," Alex said. "But he didn't say anything. We'll need to talk to him again."

They left Chelsea's room in as close to its original condition as they could. Aside from the discovery of a possible boyfriend in her life, they'd discovered nothing that took away from what everyone said Chelsea was—a quiet, bright, nice girl. There were no signs that she was unhappy, no signs that she was in trouble or considering making trouble. As they walked down the hall, an exuberant little boy turned the corner and slammed into Bobby's leg.

"Greg!" A harried teenage girl ran after the boy. "Don't bother the detectives…"

Greg looked up at Bobby with fear in his eyes. "Sorry…"

"It's ok," Bobby said calmly, although his shin ached where Greg had crashed into it. "How you doing, Greg…Marie…"

"I'm sorry," Marie said. She was a pretty girl whose sad expression seemed new to her. "He got away from me."

"Like Detective Goren said," Alex said. "It's ok." She and Bobby liked Marie and Greg Torelli. Marie's intelligence and quiet acceptance of taking care of her brother impressed them, and Greg was a lively, intelligent kid.

Greg looked up at Bobby. "Have you found Chelsea?"

"Not yet…But we're tying…"

"I miss her." Greg's lower lip trembled. "I…I may have made her go away…I went in her room and made her mad…She'd told me not to…"

Bobby dropped to one knee to get closer to the boy. "Greg…You had nothing to do with why Chelsea disappeared. Nothing you did had anything to do with it."

Muffled angry voice came from downstairs. Greg and Marie looked at each other sadly.

"Mommy and Daddy didn't fight before Chelsea was gone," Greg said sadly.

"C'mon, Greg," Marie said anxiously. "We've bothered the detective enough."

"You're not bothering us," Alex said. She and Marie watched as Bobby produced a coin from behind Greg's ear. "Things are tough between your Mom and Dad?"

"They never used to fight," Marie said. "I mean…They had little arguments, but not like this…Everything was fine until Chelsea…"

Bobby looked up at her. "You're angry…It's ok to be angry…"

Marie pushed her hair behind her ears. The move reminded Bobby of her mother, and he noted, not for the first time, how much the older Torelli daughter looked like her mother, while their son resembled his father, and Chelsea was a mix of both.

"Why…" Marie stammered. "Why did Chelsea…Why did she cause all this trouble?" Her fist flew to her mouth. "Oh, God…I didn't mean it…I…"

A bewildered Greg stared at his sister. Bobby, trying to ignore the pain in his leg, stood. "It's all right, Marie…You can be angry…You can be angry at her, if you understand it's not really her you're angry at…"

"But…it's not her fault…She could be…I can't…I shouldn't…"

"It's ok…You're not really angry at Chelsea," Bobby said. "You're angry at what's happening…And you have every right to be…You should talk to your Mom…"

"How…how can I do that?" Marie said. "It'll make her feel worse…"

"She'll understand," Bobby said. "Trust her…Do what your head and heart are telling you…Trust her…"

The muffled, angry voices were quiet, and Elizabeth Torelli appeared at the end of the hall. "Marie…Greg…Are they bothering you, Detectives…"

"Not at all," Alex said. Bobby shook his head.

"I'll get Greg to his room…and I'll read to him," Marie said. She glanced at Bobby. "Mom…could we talk later?"

Elizabeth looked at Bobby and then at her daughter. "Yes…Yes…I'd like to do that." She watched her children walk towards Greg's room. "Thank you," she said to Alex and Bobby. "I've been trying to get her to talk to me. Whatever you said…Thank you…"

Bobby slumped in the SUV's passenger seat several minutes later. "Marie…her mother…even Greg…They trust us…And we can't…"

"Bobby," Alex said, although she felt as afraid and as much of a fraud as Bobby. "We're doing everything we can…"

"It's been two days," Bobby despaired. "Two days...The chances Chelsea's still alive…And what could be happening to her…" He furiously rubbed the back of his neck.

"I know that," Alex said sharply. "You're not the only one who knows the history of these sorts of things…"

"Eames…I'm sorry…I…"

"Just be quiet," Alex said. "I don't want to talk about it."

They remained in stony silence during the trip back to Major Case. Bobby felt as if a huge canyon separated them, and he had no idea how to reach across it. They reached their desks and were unhappily examining each other when Bobby read one of the slips of paper on his desk.

"Eames," he said, waving the paper. "One of the homeless women…We've found her…"

END CHAPTER FIVE


	6. Chapter 6

CHAPTER SIX

Emma Zoltar sat quietly in a thickly upholstered dark blue chair. Her white hair was clean and in a short, neat cut, and she wore a bright yellow top and blue cotton pants. A jigsaw puzzle was on the table in front of her, and she closely examined the piece in her hand. She looked like everyone's grandmother or aunt, but the white bandages on her arms and feet suggested that her recent life had been a hard one. There was a dazed and distant look in her eyes.

"Thank you again," Alex said to the young woman who stood just inside the small, comfortable bedroom. "We appreciate this."

"You're Mrs. Zoltar's granddaughter, Ms. Kirby?" Bobby asked.

"Yes," the young woman said. She bore more than a passing resemblance to Emma Zoltar. "I'm named for her…My name is Emma too…My Mom's sorry she can't be here…She and one of my uncles are dealing with some of Grandma's legal stuff, and they've had trouble getting a meeting with social services."

"Yea," Bobby said. "They don't have enough people or money…You have to catch them when you can…"

The younger Emma sighed. "It's been tough for my Mom…Grandma was always a little eccentric, but it wasn't bad until after Grandpa died. She's fine when she takes her medicine, but a year ago my Mom and her brother had a lot of other things going on. Grandma went off her meds, and we lost her. It took a while to find her, and if her best friend out on the streets hadn't died, we might not have."

Alex thought that she could feel the pain inside Bobby. A few stories of his mother's occasional descents to the streets had slipped from him, and even the sketchy details he provided gave her a sense of how these incidents hurt and terrified him.

"She's good now," the young woman continued. "And getting better. I don't know if she'll be able to help you. It was a while ago, and she was pretty sick when she was on the streets."

"Thank you," Alex said. "We'll keep that in mind."

The younger Emma walked over to the older woman. "Grandma…"

The older Emma slowly turned and looked at her granddaughter.

"This is Ms. Eames and Mr. Goren. They're police detectives."

Her movements were in slow motion, but Mrs. Zoltar listened intently and appeared to understand what was said to her. Alex and Bobby sat across from her. The older woman smiled at them, showing off her obviously new set of teeth.

"Mrs. Zoltar," Bobby began.

"Please," she said. "Call me Emmie." She spoke slowly and carefully, but clearly.

Bobby hesitated.

"Young man," she continued warmly. "Having a handsome man call me by my first name would be a lot more thrilling than having you be respectful."

Alex smiled as Bobby flushed. "We'll be happy to call you Emmie if you call us Alex and Bobby."

Bobby recovered from his brief embarrassment. "Emmie…I'm sorry…But we need to ask you about something that happened while you were living on the street. I know that was a bad time for you."

Emmie struggled to help them. Her memory of her time on the streets was foggy at best and nonexistent at worse, but she slowly pierced together the events of several months ago. She remembered Toya Phillips. The girl, her mother, and her mother's friend were always kind to Emmie and her friend, and often gave them food and clothes. "And they didn't have much themselves," Emmie said. Emmie remembered the yelling and shouting and the chaos of the night Toya went missing.

"There were a lot of police," she said. "But none of them talked to me."

"Could you have told them anything? Can you tell us something?" Bobby asked with little hope.

"Yes," Emmie said confidently. "I can…There was a white van…"

Alex and Bobby's hearts jumped.

"It was going too fast," Emmie continued. "It nearly hit Toya. The driver was a white man…I thought he should be more careful…He stuck his head out his window and asked if she was ok. She stood in the street for a minute. The driver got out of the van. I couldn't hear him, but he said something to Toya. He walked with her back to the van. They were on the other side from me, and I couldn't see them. After a couple of minutes, the van drove off. I didn't see Toya."

"There was no one else on the street?" Bobby asked.

"No," Emmie said. "Just me and Rosa."

"Did you see the driver's face? Could you identify him?" Alex asked.

"I'm sorry, honey," Emmie said. In Emmie's voice, "honey" seemed a great compliment. "It was dark…All I can tell you is that he was white…Maybe from one of those Spanish countries…I'd seen the van around the neighborhood…It looked like someone tried to paint over some red letters on its side."

Alex and Bobby thanked the two Emmies for their help. Both women promised to call the detectives if the elder remembered anything else.

"That's a break," Alex said. "If we can depend on what she said."

"We can," Bobby said firmly. "And that van may be on some tapes. There's an intersection near Toya's house where there's a surveillance camera because of reports of gang activity. And another near Chelsea's."

"Should we tell the families? The press?" Alex asked as she drove.

"I…I don't know," Bobby said. "We really haven't connected the van to Chelsea's disappearance…And I don't know if telling the press would warn the public or the perp."

"Yea," Alex said. "I'm glad that the decision will be the Captain's…or higher up with the Brass." She yawned. "Maybe we can get some real sleep tonight…Maybe in our own beds…"

Bobby fumbled with his binder. "I'd like to check to see if there's anything on those surveillance cameras."

Alex glanced at him as she drove into the Major Case parking garage. "Bobby…you gotta get some sleep…"

"I know…But knowing…One or both of the girls…" he mumbled as he stepped from the van.

Alex watched worriedly as Bobby leaned heavily against the elevator wall. She felt exhausted and depressed, and she could only imagine how Bobby felt. "Listen," she said as they neared Major Case. "I'm going to check in with Ross and then go home and sleep in my own bed. You do the same."

"As soon as I check those tapes," Bobby said.

Alex was too tired to argue with him. When she left, Bobby was watching tapes in an interview room. When she returned a few—far too few—hours later, he was still there. He was grey and drawn and stubble covered his cheeks, but when he saw her he waved at her. Before Alex could ask him if he'd gotten any sleep, he said, "I found it, Eames." He triumphantly held up a videotape. "Look…This was at the intersection near Toya's apartment…" He popped the tape into the player, forwarded it, and played it. "Here…" A white van appeared on the TV. It was a Chevy with New Jersey plates, and in the streetlight Alex saw faint red marks. As the van turned, she could just make out the driver was a white or Hispanic man. Bobby stopped the tape, popped it out, and pushed another in. "And here…Near the Torellis a few minutes before Chelsea disappeared…" The same white van, or one remarkably like it, appeared on the screen, its license plate clearly visible when Bobby paused the tape.

"I'm running the plate right now," Bobby said. He tried to contain his excitement.

"You know we've only got the barest connection of the girls to this van," Alex said, hating that she had to be the dissenting voice.

"I know," Bobby said. "I know…but it's the best thing we've got…And I…I just…"

"Your magic gut telling you this is right?" Alex asked. "It's got a good track record."

"Yea…Well, it's been shaky lately," Bobby said softly.

"Listen," Alex said. "It'll take a little time to run the plate. You get a shower…Maybe a nap…"

"I look that bad?" Bobby asked with a half-smile.

"You look like you need some rest and a shave," Alex said.

"Ok…You follow this up and I'll try to get some rest," Bobby agreed. He stood and walked to the door.

"Thanks," Alex said.

Bobby, his hand on the knob, looked at her. "What for?"

"For trusting me," Alex said. "I know you hate to let go of these things."

Bobby was confused. "I…I know you can handle it…" He realized that he felt confused a lot around Alex lately, and it wasn't a feeling he liked or was used to.

"Go," Alex said gently. "Go get some rest."

He stumbled to the crib and had just reached a bunk when his cell rang. For a moment he considered not answering it, but saw the number.

"Detective Goren," Elizabeth Torelli said. "I…I'm sorry…"

"It's ok," Bobby said gently. "I told you to call me any time. I'm afraid I don't have any information for you." They—Ross, Eames, Bobby, the Brass—had decided they shouldn't raise the hopes of the girls' families by telling them about the van. Bobby agreed with the decision, but he still hated lying to Elizabeth Torelli.

"That's…that's all right…" Elizabeth struggled to control her voice. "It's just…Around this time…When the kids leave for school…It's…It's when it hits me…"

Bobby looked longingly at the bunk as he realized he wasn't going to get much, if any, sleep.

"I…I just need to talk to someone…And Tony…Tony is so angry…And you…you've been so kind…"

"It's ok," Bobby said. He sat on the bunk. "After all, your taxes pay my salary."

"I don't think counseling is part of your job description," Elizabeth said as she calmed.

They spoke for several minutes until Elizabeth was through her crisis. Bobby stared at the time on his cell phone. He stood and, shedding his jacket, headed to the shower. He felt marginally better after the shower and headed upstairs. Alex saw him as he entered the squad room and waved excitedly.

"The plate," she said as Bobby neared her desk. "Is registered to a van owned by the Donatelli Painting Company in Jersey. I just spoke with Mr. Donatelli. The van is an old one the company doesn't use any more. Donatelli was going to sell it, but a cousin of his asked if his nephew Mike could use it. The nephew just got out of jail and needed a car. The cousin told Donatelli it was a trumped up charge and the nephew was going straight…"

An icy shiver raced up Bobby's spine. "But it wasn't a trumped up charge…What was Mike in for?"

"Donatelli wasn't sure. Something about a girl was all he knew…I'm running Mike Rowlan's name through the system right now." Alex studied her partner. "You get any sleep?"

Bobby ignored her question and stared at her computer screen. "No…no," he muttered. "This guy…He's got a history of sexual crimes…Getting more violent…"

"We've got his address," Alex said. "In Queens…At least he's made his first meetings with his parole officer…"

They were almost out of the squad room when Ross burst from his office. "Another one," he said grimly. "He's grabbed another one…"

END CHAPTER SIX


	7. Chapter 7

CHAPTER SEVEN

CHAPTER SEVEN

Before Ross had finished giving the detectives the details of the latest kidnapping, Bobby had the descriptions of the van and Mike Rowlan out to the cops on the street. He hung up his phone in time to hear Ross tell Alex "A white van—maybe THE white van—was seen."

"We have a lot more information on that van and who might be driving it," Alex said. "If you want to ride with us to the scene, we can tell you."

The scene was terribly familiar to the three—the swarm of cops, the horrified and confused parents, the gathering of the press. The missing girl, Amy Pierce, was fourteen years old and, like Toya and Chelsea, a girl on the edge of becoming a pretty young woman. Amy's school dismissed early for a teacher's conference. Amy got a ride home with two of her classmates and the father of one of the girls. Amy's mother worked at home as a copy editor, and her workplace faced the street. Mrs. Pierce saw the car carrying Amy pull up and her daughter get out. She waved at Amy, who waved back. Mrs. Pierce waited for her daughter to enter their apartment. The girl never did. The father of the car was stunned and offered no details or help, but one of the other girls remembered that there was a white van following closely behind their car, and that the same van sped past them a few minutes after they dropped off Amy.

"Damn," Bobby muttered as he stood with Ross and Alex in the street in front of the Pierce's apartment building. "We shoulda told the press…We shoulda warned people…I…I shoulda insisted…"

"Detective," Ross said. "That was my call…Not yours…And we're going to release the information now…Maybe someone will see something…"

"The Torellis…Ms. Phillips," Alex said. "They need to know before…"

"Yes," Ross agreed.

"I'll contact the Torellis," Bobby said, his stomach twisting at the prospect.

"And I'll call Regine Phillips," Alex said.

"You don't have to," Ross said. "We could send…"

"Yes…Yes we do," Alex said.

"I'll send some uniforms to follow on your calls," Ross said.

Bobby and Alex moved to relatively quiet spots on the street in front of the Pierce home to make their calls. Elizabeth Torelli answered on the second ring, and Bobby wondered if she spent much of her time near a phone these days.

"Detective…" The desperate yearning in her voice stabbed his heart.

"Mrs. Torelli…" If he was completely cool and professional, Bobby thought he might get through this. "I'm sorry…We haven't found Chelsea…There's another development in the case…Another girl has disappeared…"

"No…"

"We have a lead…We weren't sure about it…A white van…We think the same white van was present at Chelsea's disappearance and of the other girl…"

"Oh, those poor families…"

"The latest disappearance was a few moments ago…That van may have been seen," Bobby said. "There's going to be a press conference…I wanted to warn you…The press will probably be descending on you…Some uniforms will be coming to your home…If you need anything…"

"Thank you," Elizabeth said, and her gratitude filled Bobby with guilt.

"I have to get back," Bobby said. "I'm sorry…but as soon as I can, I'll call you with any information."

He met Alex in front of the apartment building.

"Regine Phillips was…was very kind and grateful…" Alex said.

"So was Elizabeth Torelli," Bobby said softly. "These are good people." He looked up at the Pierce apartment. "They don't deserve this."

"I know," Alex said. "What do we do now? Go to Rowlan's home?"

A fist held to his mouth, Bobby stood in the middle of the street. "Uh…uh…yea…yea…I…I got his address here…" He fumbled with his binder.

"I've got it," Alex said. Bobby looked very drawn and tired, and Alex was afraid for him. "It's in Queens. Bobby…Are you ok?"

"I'm ok," he insisted. "But, thank you…"

They were nearly at Rowlan's address when Ross contacted them. "Two uniforms spotted the van in front of an abandoned building near Rowlan's house. Be careful…This guy has a nasty history."

Bobby and Alex arrived at the abandoned building minutes later. The uniforms—a grizzled, steady sergeant and an eager, intelligent rookie—were parked about a half a block away.

"Soong saw it first," the sergeant reported and smiled admiringly at his partner. "The driver was sticking to side streets, but she saw him."

"You've earned your salary tonight, Soong," Alex said.

"And you know how small that rookie pay is," Soong said. "Grey said we should wait and watch..."

"You're sure he's inside the building?" Alex asked.

"Yea," Grey said. "We lost him for a couple of minutes…Long enough for him to take something inside…When we got here, he was back at the van. He pulled something out and went back in the building.

"That was about five minutes ago," Soong said. "We'd just about decided to go in when you arrived."

"Ok," Alex said. "We've got more backup coming…But we need to get in there…He may have kidnapped a girl…You follow us…We'll check the van, and then go in as quiet and careful as we can."

"Got it," Grey said.

Soong nodded.

"Be careful," Bobby said, finally breaking his silence. "He's a very bad guy."

They moved quietly and quickly to the van. Bobby impressed Soong by his breaking of the passenger side window.

"Damn," Alex said as they checked the van's interior. The back seats had been removed, and the empty space held a backpack, several shredded pieces of duct tape, two formidable knifes, and several coils of rope. There were several crimson splashes on the van's floor.

"Call it in," Bobby said to Grey. "Tell the dispatcher that he's almost certainly got the girl here…" Bobby had moved into his command mode. "Tell them to come silently…Then you and Soong came after us…"

Bobby and Alex moved cautiously into the dark, dank, dirty building. Although it was a bright and sunny day

, the building's interior was darker than night. Bobby pointed his flashlight at the floor. In the midst of the muck and debris Alex saw that something had been dragged across the floor. She nodded at Bobby, and they continued to move cautiously into the building. Behind them, they heard Grey and Soong enter. Alex turned and waved them forward. A muffled cry came from a room just in front of Bobby. Bobby looked at Alex, and rushed to a door on the right. There was another muffled cry, then a cry of "Shut up, bitch!" Bobby kicked the door, and its ancient lock snapped with a loud crack.

"Police!" Bobby screamed.

For several seconds, the four officers couldn't see clearly. A figure appeared huddled over something at the far end of the room. The figure rose and spun, and light flashed across metal.

"Drop the weapon!" Bobby yelled and rushed with his gun drawn towards the figure.

There was a flash and a roar, and Bobby felt a searing pain in his right shoulder. There were more flashes and roars, and Bobby saw the figure lurch, stumble and fall. Bobby stumbled forward, passing only long enough to kick the gun away from the man. Bobby lurched on to another figure, one bent over a broken down bed. The figure was a naked girl, her wrists bound with duct tape and tape covering her mouth. Her ripped and torn clothes were scattered around her, and she stared at Bobby with great, terrified eyes.

"It's ok," Bobby said calmly, in spite of the adrenaline coursing through him. He gently raised the girl and pulled the tape from her mouth. She cried out and gasped for breath. Bobby slipped off his jacket and draped it over her shoulders before he removed the tape from her wrists. "It's ok," he said again. "We're the police. My name is Bobby. Are you Amy?" He pulled the jacket around her.

Shivering, she nodded and leaned heavily against him. Bobby carefully sat her on the bed and perched next to her. He gently wrapped his arms around her. He heard the approach of other police. He heard Rowlan crying and moaning in pain. He heard Alex taking control of the scene, and he knew everything would be all right. Alex could handle it. He could concentrate on Amy.

"It's ok," he said again, and rested his chin on Amy's head. "You're safe…He can't hurt you…You're safe…It's all right…" His soft, deep, warm voice calmed the girl.

"He…He was going to…I tried to tell him…I never…I've never…" She shook and clung more tightly to Bobby.

The room was suddenly flooded with light and filled with police and EMTs. Several of the EMTs surrounded Rowlan. Two female EMTs approached Bobby and Amy.

"This is Amy," Bobby said. "She's very brave and tough…"

"Hi, Amy," one of the EMTs said. "I'm Crystal…And this is Jan. We need to take a look at you and get you to the hospital, ok?"

Amy clung even tighter to Bobby, who winced at the sharp pain in his shoulder.

"It's ok," he told the terrified girl. "These are good people. They want to help you. I'll be right here, and if you want me to, I'll ride in the ambulance to the hospital with you."

Amy's grip eased. "Promise?"

"Promise."

Amy released him, and Bobby lurched to his feet and out of the way of the EMTs. He stumbled over to Alex, who stared sadly at a corner of the room. Behind him, Bobby heard the EMTs speak to Amy.

"Are you hurt, Amy? There's a lot of blood…"

"I…Just some scratches," Amy said. "I don't know where…"

"Damn," Alex said, and Bobby's attention went to that corner. "Damn."

In the corner, in a tangled heap of clothes, was a leather athletic jacket with the name "Toya" stitched on its back. Next to it was a bright blue sweater Bobby recognized from the description of the clothes Chelsea wore when she disappeared. Bobby felt dizzy and sick.

"Bobby? Are you all right?" Alex touched his arm. "Oh, God…There's blood…"

Her face blurred in and out of his vision.

"It…It's not Amy's?" He stared at his right shoulder, where a crimson stain grew on his white shirt. "Eames…I think I got shot…"

Alex grabbed him and half guided, half dragged him to the bed. "We need help here! Right now!"

Bobby found himself lying on his back and trying to focus on the EMT's questions. Alex and Ross' frightened faces loomed behind the EMT.

"Take it easy, Detective," the EMT said. "You got a slug in your shoulder…It doesn't look too bad, but we need to get you to the hospital."

"Looks like you're finally going to get some sleep," Alex said, her voice betraying her worry.

"Good job, Detective," Ross said gently. "Take it easy…Everything is under control."

"Amy?" Bobby thought his voice seemed to be travelling down a long hall.

"We're taking her to the hospital," the EMT said. "Just a precaution. She's going to be fine. You did and said all the right things. You helped her a lot."

"Rowlan?" That hall seemed to be longer and darker.

Ross leaned over the EMT's shoulder. "His condition is shakier…But don't worry."

"Ms. Phillips…the Torellis…" Bobby was lost in that hall. "Tell them…Be careful how you tell them…and tell them…tell Amy…I…I'm sorry…Sorry…."

Alex seized his left hand. "Bobby…Bobby…"

END Chapter Seven


	8. Chapter 8

CHAPTER EIGHT

Bobby drifted in and out through the ride to the hospital.

"It doesn't look that bad," one said to Alex. "But he seems to be exhausted."

Alex held his hand. "He probably is…This case…"

The doctors and nurses made encouraging noises once they reached the hospital. Alex waited impatiently in the ER waiting room and wondered if she should call Elizabeth Torelli and Regine Phillips. She ceased pacing when Ross walked in the room.

"How is he?" the Captain asked.

"They say it's not bad," Alex replied. "But they also say he's exhausted."

Ross sat heavily in a chair, and Alex felt a spark of sympathy for the Captain. "Rowlan is in critical condition," he said. "Don't worry, Alex…It's a good shoot…The uniforms and Amy Pierce all told the same story you did. You and the uniforms will have to give up your guns for about a day, but Internal Affairs wants to clear this one fast."

"The uniforms—Grey and Soong—were terrific, Captain. They did everything right."

"Noted," Ross said. "I'll inform the higher-ups."

"Amy…How is she?"

"Good, thanks to you and your partner…They're keeping her overnight, but just for observation. She's got some cuts and bruises, but nothing major…And she wasn't raped, thank God. Whatever your partner said to her, it was the right thing."

"There was some blood in the van," Alex said. "I bet it was hers…"

"Alex, did you know Goren was hit?"

She shook her head. "I saw the blood. But I thought it was Amy's…Bobby didn't even realized he was hit until I mentioned seeing the blood. Has anyone contacted…"

"I called Ms. Phillips and Mrs. Torelli," Ross said. "I couldn't speak with them very long, but I warned them about the press. They were both grateful, and when I explained why you and Goren couldn't call they were very concerned. They spoke very highly of you and Goren."

"They're good people," Alex said. "They deserve to know what happened to their daughters."

A doctor appeared from the ER. "Ms. Eames? You're here for Detective Goren?"

"Yes," Alex said.

"It's not a bad wound. He's going to be stiff and sore for a while," the doctor said. "But it was a small gun. The bullet did hit a vein…that explains the bleeding…That and all the moving Mr. Goren did after he was shot."

"He's a strong willed man," Ross said, and Alex couldn't tell if the Captain meant this as an accusation or a compliment.

"He'll be out for a while," the doctor said. "We've got him on some heavy painkillers, and he seemed pretty exhausted."

"We've been on a tough case," Alex said. She felt fairly exhausted herself.

"We'd like to keep him for a couple of days," the doctor said. "Just a precaution."

"Stay with him, Eames," Ross said. "And get yourself home and some rest too." He smiled at her sympathetically. "You know you have blood on you…"

Alex stared at her clothes. She hadn't realized Bobby's blood spotted her. She suddenly felt dizzy and sick.

"Alex?" Ross' hand was on her shoulder. "Are you ok?" He eased her down to a chair.

"Yea…yea…Just…Everything caught up with me for a second…I'm sorry…"

"It's all right," Ross reassured her. "You and your partner did great work…For the next couple of days your job is to take care of yourself and your partner. The case will be ok."

"The families of the girls…"

"I'll make sure they're treated well," Ross promised.

"Rowlan…Did he say anything?" Alex moved carefully to her feet.

"No. We're searching the building. We've found more of Toya and Chelsea's things…Some with blood on them…But no sign of the girls."

"Oh, God," Alex said as she watched Bobby being wheeled out of the emergency room. "He's going to take this hard."

"He takes a lot of things hard," Ross said.

"There are times when I think he shouldn't be a cop," Alex said wearily. "That he should be a professor or teacher or something. He cares so damn much."

"I've seen that," Ross said. "But he's one of the most brilliant detectives I've ever seen…Not always a great cop…But a great detective."

"You're starting to get him," Alex said softly. She turned and followed the stretcher to Bobby's room.

Bobby was in the hospital for four, not two, days. His exhaustion, coupled with his wound's refusal to stop bleeding as quickly as the doctors expected, kept him in bed. He slept for nearly twenty four hours before briefly waking. He recognized Alex, asked how Amy Pierce was, and, reassured she was fine, fell back asleep for another twelve hours. For the next day, he managed to eat a bit, to pull some more information about the case from a reluctant Alex. He suffered through a visit from a grateful Amy and her parents. Mike Rowlan's condition remained critical. He hadn't regained consciousness, and the doctors weren't optimistic about his chances. The search for Chelsea and Toya continued, but the unspoken fear was that this was now a hunt for two bodies. Alex glimpsed Al and Regine and Tony and Elizabeth Torelli on TV pleading for information about their daughters, but she remained disconnected from the case that had consumed her life for several days.

Late on the afternoon of Bobby's third day in the hospital, Alex sat by his bed and pretended for the tenth time to read the six month old magazine someone had left in his room. Her attention was focused on Bobby, who slept restlessly, frequently stirring and mumbling through a bad dream. He had eaten a little that day, much to Alex and the nurses' pleasure. His wound was healing nicely, but he was still pale and recovering from his recent abuse of his body.

There was a knock on the door. "Come in," Alex said, expecting a doctor or nurse.

Elizabeth Torellis stepped tentatively into the room. "Detective Eames…How is Detective Goren?"

Alex viewed her with some surprise. "How did you…no one is supposed to know where Bobby is…"

Elizabeth smiled sadly. "There are advantages to being the daughter-in-law of a Deputy Major…even if he isn't talking to you."

There was no self pity in her voice, only resignation. "Giving you a hard time?" Alex asked.

"He needs someone to blame." Elizabeth shrugged. "I'm an easy target." She looked at Bobby, who stirred restlessly. "Is he going to be all right?"

"The doctors say he'll be fine."

"Good." Elizabeth stepped closer to the bed. "He's been so good…so kind…to my family…and me. He always told me the truth…Even when it hurt me…or him…" She studied Bobby. "Chelsea's dead, isn't she?"

Alex's mind went to that pale blue sweater. "We're not absolutely sure…but it does look like it."

Elizabeth shook as if she'd been hit, and Alex feared she might break down, but she recovered. "The girl who was attacked…is she all right?"

"Yes," Alex answered. "She's at home now with her family."

"I…I'd like to…If it's all right…and her family…I'd like to talk to her family…And the other girl…I'd like to talk to her family too…"

"I don't know if they would want to," Alex said. "Although I think they might. You need to speak to Captain Ross." She glanced at Bobby. "Or perhaps to Detective Goren when he wakes up."

"When my brother was kidnapped," Elizabeth said, her eyes on Bobby. "The police…I know they thought they were helping us…But they kept giving us hope that wasn't there…But he's never lied…He'd done everything he could to give me hope…But he never lied."

"I don't mean to disillusion you," Alex said carefully. "But there may be some things he didn't tell you…He'd never not tell the truth, but…"

"I understand," Elizabeth said. "They always look like little boys when they're asleep, don't they? Right now, he reminds me of my little boy Greg."

"Yea," Alex smiled sadly.

"I'm sorry," Elizabeth said. "I need to go…Please let him know I was here, and that I hope he gets better. Please let me know if there's anything I can do."

Alex was struck by the woman's concern for others, even in the midst of her own great pain.

"You're as honest and good as your partner, Detective Eames," Elizabeth said as she left. "Thank you."

The doctors finally released Bobby the next day. As Alex helped a protesting Bobby, Ross appeared.

"Glad you're getting out of here," the Captain said warmly. Alex sensed that, for all of the trouble Bobby caused him, Ross had started to feel respect and even affection for his more than occasionally wayward detective.

Bobby moved slowly and stiffly. His wound wasn't serious, but it had several stitches and he was on some potent painkillers. "I'm happy to be getting out, Sir. How's the case going?"

"Amy Pierce is in very good shape," Ross replied. "If Rowlan recovers, he won't stand a chance in court. She and her parents would like to see you again."

"She's getting counseling?" Bobby asked.

Ross nodded.

"Eames won't tell me how the search for Toya and Chelsea is going," Bobby said.

"There's not much to tell," Ross said reluctantly. "We know Rowlan had them in that building. But we've searched it top to bottom…Taken it apart…There's no sign of them. If Rowlan doesn't regain consciousness…"

Alex paused in her packing of Bobby's things. "I'm sorry, Captain…We had to shoot…"

"If you hadn't," Bobby said. "Amy…the other cops…you…might not be here…God help us if we had to depend on my shooting."

"It was a good shoot, Alex," Ross said, although he sensed she already had the reassurance she needed. "Internal Affairs barely glanced at it."

A nurse appeared pushing a wheelchair. Bobby eyed it suspiciously. "I'm sorry," the nurse said. "Rules…"

"Captain," Bobby asked as they moved through the hospital. "What are Rowlan's chances?"

"Not good," Ross replied.

"So, it's up to us to find them…"

"Hey," Alex said. "Don't push it, Goren…"

"I'm fine, Eames," Bobby said. "I've just had four days of rest and hospital food."

"I'm with Eames," Ross said. "I don't want you near Major Case for the next few days…I don't want you to even think about the case…"

"Did I…did I do something wrong, Sir?"

"No, Detective," Ross said patiently. "Your work…as usual…has been excellent. But you need to take care of yourself."

Bobby vainly tried to take care of himself and not think about the case for the next two days. Alex helped him with the first, but his mind wrestled almost constantly with the second. He wanted to speak with Elizabeth Torelli, but his sense of failure kept him from that. He was puzzled and worried that she didn't attempt to reach him. Alex told him about her visit to the hospital, and Bobby was surprised at the disappointment he felt in missing her. During his second night in his own bed Bobby struggled to piece together where Toya and Chelsea's bodies might be. He'd accepted the idea that both girls were dead and probably had been dead since only a few hours after their kidnappings. Chelsea was likely murdered even before he and Eames were called in on her case. As he stared at his ceiling, Bobby realized the only thing likely to shock him about the case was if either girl appeared alive. He thought that Elizabeth Torelli would be equally shocked if Chelsea returned to her family. Bobby's mind wandered to Elizabeth Torelli. He admired her strength, her intelligence, her quiet acceptance of what was thrown at her. He thought that their conversations offered as much comfort to him as they did to her.

Bobby flung his left arm over his eyes. "No," he thought. "Don't. Don't even think about her using her first name…For God's sake…She's the mother of a victim…How dare you…She's married…No wonder she isn't calling you…Do your job…Find out what happened to her daughter."

His mind wrestled with the case for the next hour. He finally flung the sheets and blanket aside and got up. "I need the case files," he thought. "There's something…but I need the files…" He checked his clock. "I'm supposed to go in today…A little early won't hurt…"

Alex suffered through an equally restless night. The investigation was stalled. Mike Rowlan remained unconscious, and Alex wasn't sure if she wanted him to wake up. She wanted to know where Toya and Chelsea were, but was sure she didn't want to know, and didn't want the girls' families to know, the details of what Rowlan did to them. Her study of Rowlan suggested he was the sort of slime who'd enjoy tormenting the victims' survivors and playing with the police. She certainly didn't want Bobby Goren dealing with Rowlan. She'd managed to keep him away from the case and the case away from him, in spite of the fact she and most of Major Case wanted him back. She'd gently requested that Elizabeth Torelli not contact Bobby for several days. "I'll miss talking to him," Elizabeth said. "But I understand."

Alex gave up trying to sleep and headed into Major Case early. As she arrived at One Police Plaza, her cell rang, and she saw Ross' number displayed. A heavy weight settled in her stomach as she answered.

"Eames," Ross said in a weary voice. "Mike Rowlan died this morning."

Alex had no idea of what she felt or what she should say.

"He's saved the state the expense of a trial," Ross continued. "But we have to find the two girls."

"Does Bobby know?" Alex had found her voice.

"I just learned myself," Ross said. "I've got a meeting with the Brass this morning…Goren is supposed to come in this morning…Tell him when you see him."

"Great," Alex thought as she shut her phone. "He gets to deal with this…"

Alex expected to see Bobby in the office. Unless he was following a lead, Bobby was always at the office before she was. She didn't expect to see him seated in an interview room and surrounded by several files. Alex took a deep breath, knocked on the door, and entered. "Bobby…"

He looked up at her. His eyes shone with excitement. "I think I may have figure out where they are…"

END CHAPTER EIGHT


	9. Chapter 9

Warning--Dark

Chapter Nine

"Detective Goren," Ross said from the back seat. "Your explanation in the Squad Room was brief. I don't doubt your reasoning, but I'd appreciate hearing it again."

Bobby turned to face the captain and winced as the seatbelt rubbed against his shoulder.

"You ok?" Alex asked. She didn't approve of Bobby taking part in this expedition, but he had come up with the possible site of where Rowlan might have taken the girls' bodies.

"I'm fine," Bobby said. "It doesn't bother me most of the time."

His words didn't convince Ross or Alex.

Bobby flipped open his binder and studied the papers there. "Rowlan's first arrest as an adult…He probably had others as a juvie, but we haven't had time to get those unsealed…But his first arrest when he was eighteen…The one that got him sent away for hard time…He took a girl to this beach…She claimed he assaulted her…He claimed it was consensual…Since she had two broken ribs and ten stitches, the jury believed her. The girl was eighteen, but looked younger…I think that Rowlan thinks…thought…that all his troubles started then…He never took responsibility for any of his crimes…He associated this beach with all of his troubles, and he might have thought he could bury his crimes…His victims…here. On the practical side, it's easy to get to from the building and his apartment. He knew it from when he was young."

Bobby's cell rang. "Thank you," he said. "Thank you." He turned to Ross. "That was the parks department…Rowlan's van…Lifeguards have seen one like it around the beach a lot recently."

"How big of an area do we have to search?" Ross asked.

"I've got an idea of where that assault took place," Bobby said.

"And I put in a call for a cadaver dog," Alex said.

Bobby stared out the window. "I'd hoped…It wouldn't end this way…I hope I'm wrong…Maybe if I'd…"

"Detective." Ross leaned forward. "Your work in this case has been exemplary. Up to your usual high standards. You saved a girl. If you're right about this, you'll bring some closure to the families. Do not beat yourself up about this."

"Yes, Sir." Bobby's reply again failed to convince Alex and Ross.

When they arrived at the beach, they found a small group of early swimmers and beachgoers annoyed that the NYPD was interfering with their time in the water or on the sand. Several officers and CSU techs waited for instructions, and a handler waited with an obedient but eager dog.

Bobby pulled a photo and several sheets of paper from his binder. He examined them intently, handed them to Alex, and scanned the area.

"There," Alex said, and pointed at a rock outcropping. "That looks a bit like the rocks in the pictures…"

"Yea," Bobby agreed. "Could we have the dog over here? This looks like a place to start."

As the dog and its handler started their grim work, Alex and Bobby didn't know if they wanted the two to find anything.

"Damn!" Ross said as he saw a TV station van pull up to the scene. He moved to deal with the gathering press.

"Sam's found something," the handler called to Bobby and Alex. The dog was digging furiously at the base of a large rock.

"Let's get the techs in here," Alex said.

Sam, protesting as best he could, was pulled away from his task, and the techs took over. Alex and Bobby, lead weights in their stomachs, watched as the CSUs uncovered a decaying body. Enough remained that it appeared to be the body of a young woman.

"There's an ID," one of the CSUs said. He held up a small leather case that held a student ID with Toya Phillips' picture.

"Damn," Alex said. She had gotten to know Toya over the past few days, and she suddenly felt terribly sad.

"Yea," Bobby said. He desperately wanted to touch Alex, to offer her some comfort, but he didn't know what to do or say.

"There's another one," another tech said.

A pale, white leg was inches away from Toya's remains.

Several angry shouts from behind them caused the detectives and techs to turn around. They saw Deputy Mayor Torelli rushing towards them. Other men, including the Chief of Detectives and Captain Ross surrounded him. Bobby and Alex could just make out that Ross was attempting to calm Torelli, telling him not to disturb the scene, to let the police do their job. His words had some results. Torelli stopped his rush and stood uncertainly.

"There she is," a tech said, and Bobby and Alex looked down on the bloody and naked body of Chelsea Torelli. Her hands were taped behind her and tape covered her mouth. Slashes ripped across her body, and her eyes were open in horror and death. Bobby felt as if he'd been kicked in the stomach, and his hand flew to his mouth. "Damn," Alex said. "Damn."

"Chelsea! My baby! Chelsea!" Anthony Torelli's wails cut through the air. He broke from the group surrounding his father and rushed up to the shallow grave. He stared at its gruesome contents. "Chelsea! My baby!"

Bobby stepped towards the grieving father. "Mr. Torelli…Please…"

"You!" His fists flailing, Torelli fell upon Bobby. "You should have saved her! Where were you? Why didn't you help her? Chelsea! Chelsea!" As he screamed, Torelli pummeled Bobby, who responded only by holding up his binder as a small shield.

Alex grabbed one of Torelli's arms; Ross the other. Bobby stepped back as the Chief of Detectives and the Deputy Major rushed up.

"Eames," Bobby said. "Let him go…Let's do our jobs."

Alex glared at Anthony Torelli, but released him. "I'm sorry," she said. "I'm sorry for your loss…for what happened to your daughter…But Detective Goren did everything he could. The man who hurt your daughter almost killed him. This wasn't his fault. It wasn't your fault…"

Torelli stared at her, and then at Bobby. "I…I'm sorry…I'm so sorry…I…I love her so much…"

"It's all right," Bobby said. "Chelsea was a good girl who would've been a remarkable woman. I wish…I'm sorry, too."

Deputy Mayor Torelli took his son's arms. The older man fought to not look into the grave. "Tony," he said gently. "Let's let them do their jobs. Let's go take care of Elizabeth and Marie and Greg…"

"Please," Tony pleaded. "Please take good care of her…"

"We will," Bobby said. "I promise."

The Chief gave Alex and Bobby a grateful look as he guided the Torellis away.

"Well done, Detective," Ross said to Bobby. "Thank you."

"Toya…Her mom could be finding out about this on TV," Alex said.

"Call her," Ross said. "Tell her we're not absolutely sure…But we've probably found Toya's body. Tell her we'll give her any help she needs…"

Alex nodded and moved to a quieter spot to make the call. Bobby and Ross stared down at the bodies.

"Poor kids," Ross muttered.

"Captain," Bobby said urgently. "We should look for other bodies…"

Ross looked at Bobby. "No…don't tell me…"

"There's a good chance these aren't Rowlan's only victims," Bobby said. "He was released from prison seven months ago…And the dog…He's still going crazy…"

"All right," Ross sighed. "You've certainly been right about this case so far…We'll look for other bodies."

"I hope I'm wrong, Captain."

A red eyed Alex returned. "Al answered," she said. "He…He fell apart…Regine picked up the phone and…She thanked me…She thanked me for telling her…"

"Eames," Ross said gently. "As soon as we get things settled her, you and Goren can speak to the families."

As Bobby feared, there were more bodies. Sam did his job well and discovered the corpses of three young women.

"He probably started after he got out of jail. Toya was probably the first. It looks like he took a girl every three to five weeks," Bobby said sadly as he and Alex walked back to the SUV.

"Three more families," Alex murmured. "Why…"

Bobby shook his head. "Without talking to him, there's no way of knowing. I suspect, thought, that this might be a case of a very bad guy."

Alex stopped as they reached the SVU. "No sympathy for this guy, Goren?"

Bobby shook his head. "Contrary to some opinions, I don't have excuses for every criminal…" He studied Alex. "Would you like me to drive?"

"No…but thank you…"

The ride back to Major Case was silent. "Now comes the hard part," Alex said as they neared One Police Plaza. "Talking to the families."

END CHAPTER NINE

Patcat


	10. Chapter 10

CHAPTER TEN

"Warning," another detective warned them as Bobby and Alex walked into Major Case. "The Phillips' girl's parents are here."

They both winced.

"What's Al's last name again?" Bobby asked as they paused at their desks.

Alex studied him for a moment. It wasn't the sort of detail Bobby forgot. "Lewis," she said. "Like the actor who played Grandpa in THE MUNSTERS."

"I preferred THE ADAMS FAMILY."

"Think…think they're upset?" Alex glanced towards the interview rooms and hated herself for asking such a stupid question.

"I'd be angry," Bobby said.

They approached the room where Al and Regine waited for them. Both were neatly dressed and composed, but Regine shivered and Al's face was a mask of grief.

"You sure it's her?" Al asked as the detectives stepped in the room.

"There'll need to be an autopsy," Alex said softly. "But we're pretty sure."

Al stood protectively behind Regine, who sat at a table. The big man's face crumbled. "The other girl…"

"Her body was near Toya's," Bobby said softly.

"The thing that hurt them," Al asked furiously. "Where is he?"

"He's dead," Bobby said. He sensed that Alex couldn't find her voice. "He was trying to hurt another girl when Detective Eames and two other officers shot him when he shot at them."

"That's when you got hurt, too," Regine said. She tightly clutched one of Al's hands as it rested on her shoulder.

"It was nothing," Bobby said.

"I doubt that," Regine said.

"I'm glad he's dead," Al declared. "I know it isn't the Christian thing, but I'm glad he's dead."

"Did…did she suffer much?" Regine asked.

"We really won't know until after the autopsy," Bobby said. "But…for what it's worth…It looks like she was killed very soon after she was taken."

Regine's composure finally broke. "Oh, my poor baby…" She turned and buried her face in Al's stomach. Alex felt a terrible burning in her throat.

"I'm sorry," Bobby said. "I'm sorry that you've both been through so much…That you've been treated so badly…I'm sorry about Toya."

"I…I don't mean," Alex stammered. "It's just…I feel like I've gotten to know Toya…She was a wonderful girl…She would've been a wonderful woman."

"Thank you," Regine said. "Thank you…." Alex's words had calmed her. "When can we take our baby away?"

"We'll find that out for you," Bobby said.

"We'd be honored," Al said. "If you'd both come to the funeral."

"We'd be honored to come," Bobby said. "Again…We're very sorry. We're sorry this didn't have a better ending…"

Regine looked up at the two detectives. "It wasn't your fault. Thank you for all you've done."

"Please," Bobby said. "Let us know if there's anything we can do. The Department has services…" He handed Regine a list he pulled from his binder. "Please use them if you need them…Please don't…don't let this…the two of you…"

Al reached for Regine's hand. "We won't…We can't…I don't think I can…Without her…" He choked.

Regine looked at Al. "And I can't do it without Al. We'll get through…"

"I'm sorry," Alex said as Regine and Al, slowly but with great dignity, walked through Major Case.

Bobby paused in the middle of gathering several forms. "Why?"

"I…I wasn't much help in there…I…This hit me hard," she confessed.

"I think," Bobby said as he sat at his desk. "This case hit everyone hard…" He winced as he reached for a pen.

"You ok? Tony Torelli got some hits in on you…"

"Yea…I'm fine…"

"Do you want to go see the Torellis now?" Alex asked hesitantly.

"Want would not be the word," Bobby said wryly. "Need…yes…But we should call first…"

"I'll call," Alex said. "You took the point for me with Al and Regine. I'll take it for you."

"Thanks," Bobby said. He eased back into his chair and tried not to show the pain in his chest and shoulder. He watched Alex as she called the Torellis. Her side of the conversation was brief, and Bobby wondered if they would be welcomed.

"I'm always amazed by how well you do that," he commented as Alex shut her cell.

"What? Talk on a cell phone? It's a necessary skill these days."

"You do that very well," Bobby said, a smile tugging at his mouth. "But…I mean talking to the families…You're good at it."

Alex studied Bobby. He looked pale and tired. "Bobby…Really…Are you ok?"

"I…I just want to get this over with," he confessed. "And…I…I feel like such a fraud."

"You're definitely not a fraud," Alex declared. "You found the girls. Their families have something. You saved Amy. You are a great detective."

"I don't know about that…Do the Torellis want to see us?"

"Elizabeth Torelli does…She said her husband is still with his father…" Alex stared at her computer screen. "Truth is, Bobby, I sensed she needed to see us."

"All right," Bobby said, although the truth was that there were few things he wanted to do less than to see Elizabeth Torelli. "Let's do it…"

They rode in silence to the Torelli's city home. They were a few blocks away when Bobby's cell rang. He was surprised to see Elizabeth Torelli's number displayed. Glancing at Alex, he answered. "Yes, Mrs. Torelli?"

"Detective…"

Bobby waited for her to coldly tell him that she never wanted to see any representative of the NYPD again, especially Detective Robert Goren. But, although her voice dripped with controlled grief, Elizabeth Torelli was kind and gracious as she warned Bobby of the press camped out in front of the Torelli home and suggested that he and Alex park their car at the back of the house and come in through the kitchen door.

"That was kind of her," Alex said. "To know we wouldn't want to run that gauntlet."

"She's remarkable," Bobby said. "I don't know if that makes everything easier or harder."

As they pulled through an intersection near the Torelli home, Alex and Bobby saw the press vultures circling on the street in front of the house. Alex deftly maneuvered the SUV down the alley to a spot behind the house. They left a sign identifying the vehicle as belonging to the police, and walked to the back door. Alex noted that Bobby moved stiffly and slowly.

"Are you sure you're ok?" she asked.

"Yea…It's just…I'm getting old…My body can't take this sort of stuff anymore…"

Alex watched him with growing concern as they walked up the steps to the door. He was unsteady, and she resolved that she'd get Bobby back to his apartment and in his bed as soon as they finished speaking with Mrs. Torelli. Bobby had just raised his fist to knock on the door when Elizabeth opened it. She was composed and dressed neatly, but looked drawn and weary. Dark circles surrounded her eyes, and she appeared frailer than the detectives remembered.

"Detectives," she said, her voice betraying only a little of her pain. "Thank you for coming."

Bobby couldn't trust his voice, but Alex rescued him.

"Thank you for seeing us," Alex said.

"Please," Elizabeth stepped away from the door. "Come in…"

They walked into a large, bright, modern kitchen. Of all of the appliances, only the coffee maker appeared to have seen much recent use. A full pot rested in it.

"We can sit at the table," Elizabeth said. "The coffee's fresh…We've taken to always having a fresh pot these days. Would you like a cup?"

"Yes, thank you," Alex said. She sensed Mrs. Torelli was taking refuge in the every day.

Elizabeth poured them two large mugs of coffee. "Do you need sugar…sweetener…cream…"

Bobby finally found something of his voice. "I…I take sugar and milk, if you have it…And Detective Eames takes a lot of sugar…"

Elizabeth reached inside the refrigerator and pulled out a small pitcher. "There's sugar in the bowl on the table," she said. She placed the pitcher on the table and stood for a moment. "Chelsea…She just started drinking coffee…She like lots of sugar…"

Alex stopped in the middle of scooping sugar into her coffee. Bobby started to put a helping hand on Elizabeth's back, but she recovered.

"You're sure? You're sure it's her?"

"Yes," Bobby said.

"Did she…Did she suffer?"

"She was probably killed soon after she was taken," Alex said, her words an echo of Bobby's to Al and Regine.

"The man…He's dead?"

"Yes," Bobby said. "Detective Eames and two other officers shot him when he shot at us."

"You saved another girl…"

"It was nothing," Bobby said.

"I visited you in the hospital," Elizabeth said. "I know it was something."

Bobby tightly clutched his cup. "I…I'm sorry…Chelsea…She was a remarkable girl…She would have been a remarkable woman…I'm sorry…"

"I…I heard that Tony…"

Bobby shook his head. "It was nothing…He only hit my binder…"

"You…" Elizabeth looked from Bobby to Alex and back to Bobby. "Both of you…You've been very kind…Very good…Even though…You thought she was dead from the beginning…"

"We knew the odds weren't good," Alex said.

Elizabeth stared into her coffee. "It'll be a while before we can get her…"

"Yes," Alex said. "I'm sorry." She swallowed a drink of the strong and rich coffee. She clung to it as a contact to the world where teenaged girls came home from school and parties.

"I'd appreciate it…I don't know what the rules are…But I'd appreciate it if you'd come to the funeral," Elizabeth said quietly.

"Thank you," Alex said. "We'd be honored."

"I…I'm sorry," Bobby said. "Is there a bathroom…"

"Of course…right over there," Elizabeth said.

"Thank you."

Bobby's departure left an awkward silence

"I'm sorry, Detective," Elizabeth said. "I'm afraid I don't know what to say to you."

"That's all right," Alex said. "I'm not sure what to say to you."

Elizabeth smiled wanly. "Like I told you…You and Detective Goren…You're honest…I like you…It's just that I've spoken so much with Detective Goren…and…I get this feeling…He seems to understand what it's like to have the ground collapse under you at a young age."

"There are reasons for that," Alex said. "I'm not sure he ever had the ground under him at all."

When Bobby returned, Alex saw that he was very pale and moved very carefully.

"Ms. Torelli," he said. "I'm afraid we…"

"You have to go…" Elizabeth said with sadness and fear in her voice.

"Yes," Bobby answered. "I'm sorry…I promise you we'll let you know when…when you can get Chelsea…When the M.E…."

"I understand."

"If you need anything…anything," Bobby said urgently. "Call us…Please…The Department will be helping you…But we want to help…Anything…" Bobby pressed his card into Elizabeth's hand, and they held the touch for several moments.

"I already have your card," Elizabeth said quietly. "I carry it everywhere."

Bobby reddened. Elizabeth released his hand.

"I…We…we will see you again," Elizabeth said.

"Of course," Alex said. "With all the follow up, you'll probably get sick and tired of us."

They had reached the door when Bobby stopped, rubbed one of his large paws across his neck, and turned to Elizabeth. "I'm sorry…I'm so sorry…I wish…"

"I wish it too," Elizabeth said.

He was very quiet in the van until they were several blocks away from the Torelli home. "Eames…I need you to go to a hospital…"

END CHAPTER TEN


	11. Chapter 11

Apologies for the delay in updating. And for Bobby's navel gazing

CHAPTER ELEVEN

Alex glanced at him. "Why…"

"I think the closest one might be a good idea." He stared at his binder. "I…Torelli may have…I've popped a couple of stitches and the wound is bleeding again…" He turned and offered her a weak smile. "I'm going to ruin all my white shirts at this rate…"

Fifteen minutes later Bobby was in the closest ER; an hour later he was in a hospital bed looking sleepily at Alex. "I…I'm sorry…I really didn't realize anything was wrong until we started talking with Eliz…Mrs. Torelli…"

Alex sat in a chair by his bed. "We should charge Tony Torelli…"

"Al…Eames…Please…" he said foggily. "The man just saw his daughter's body. I was supposed to save her. Are you seriously proposing that we arrest him? Especially since he's the son of a Deputy Mayor?"

"I…I guess not," Alex conceded. "But you shouldn't have even been working…"

"I was fine until then," Bobby said. "Really…Did they say when they'd let me out of here?"

"Not until tomorrow," Alex said. "They want to make sure the stitches hold and you get some rest."

"Well, they'll hold here," Bobby said. "No one to fight in here…with the possible exception of you." He gave her a goofy smile.

"You're getting silly, Bobby…The drugs must be kicking in…Go to sleep." Alex wanted to be strict with him, but his charm and sweetness worked against her.

"Yes, Ma'am." He fumbled with the sheet. "You don't have to stay here…You don't have to worry about getting me home."

"It's not a problem."

Bobby yawned. "Ross must be furious."

"No," Alex said. "I've talked to him. He's just worried about you. Happy you were so calm in dealing with Torelli."

He couldn't keep his eyes open. "Sorry…sorry," he muttered.

Alex pulled her chair close to Bobby's bed. Within a few minutes, she followed him into a deep sleep.

A soft touch on her shoulder woke her. Alex stirred and winced as her stiff muscles protested. She turned and saw Ross looking down at her. She turned to Bobby and saw he was still asleep.

"Captain," she said softly. She couldn't tell if it was very early or very late.

"Sorry to wake you, Alex. I was on my way into work…"

"So, it's early," Alex thought. "I slept all through the night…And so did Bobby?"

"And I thought I'd check on your partner," Ross continued. "How is he?"

"Ok…His fight with Tony Torelli…Although it'd be hard to call it a fight since Bobby didn't fight back…Some of his stitches got ripped out…"

Ross winced. "Mr. Torelli is lucky that Detective Goren isn't charging him with assault."

"Like Bobby said last night," Alex said. "Who's going to charge a grieving father who's the son of a Deputy Mayor?"

Ross smiled. "So, your partner is aware of some of the political realities. He'll be ok?"

"Yea." Alex stretched. "The doctors just wanted him to stay overnight to make sure the stitches held."

"Well," Ross said wearily. "This case is over. We've identified the bodies of the other girls. I'm afraid that, like Toya Phillips, they were written off as runaways. Mike Rowlan finally grabbed the wrong girl…"

"I hope some heads will roll at the Department," Alex said, trying to control her voice and not wake up Bobby.

"Some will," Ross said. "But not enough and probably not some that deserve it. There'll be a storm over all of this, and if we're lucky, for about six months things will change. And then, it'll go back to the way it was until another kid goes missing…" The Captain sighed. "Anyway, you and Goren have a couple of days…Make sure he knows he doesn't have to come back until he feels ready, or better yet, until his doctors tell him he's ready."

"Thank you, sir."

The doctors released Bobby later that day after solemn promises from Alex that she'd keep an eye on him and from Bobby that he'd take it easy. Alex understood why the doctors wanted someone to keep watch on Bobby. He was foggy and befuddled and seemed unsure of where he was and what he was doing.

"Don't we need to go to Major Case?" he asked as Alex drove towards his apartment.

"Ross has given us a couple of days," Alex answered. "And your doctors say you need them."

"The girls…The funerals…When are they?"

Alex stared out the car's window. She'd hoped that Bobby might not bring up this subject. "Toya's is tomorrow…Chelsea's the day after…You don't have to go, Bobby…Maybe you shouldn't…"

"I promised," Bobby said.

He was quiet for the rest of the day and scarcely responded to Alex's attempts to bring him out of his shell. His state was partly the result of his injury and the resulting medication, but also from his own guilt over his perceived failure. Alex tempted with an offer of takeout from his favorite place, but he gently rebuffed her. She finally managed to get him to take a few bites of a dinner she could barely swallow herself. Bobby urged her to go home, deal with her own life, and sleep in her own bed. She resisted until it became obvious that Bobby wouldn't go near his own bed until she left.

"If you're sure about going to Toya's funeral," Alex said. "I'll be here about nine thirty to pick you up."

"You don't…"

"I promised, too," Alex said.

After a sleepless and restless night, Alex arrived at Bobby's door a few minutes before nine thirty. Bobby opened his door before she finished her first knock. He looked as if he'd had an even more difficult night than her, but he was dressed in one of his dark navy suits—so dark that it appeared a shining black in some light—a tie in the same shade, and a crisp white shirt. His shoes shone brightly, and his face was free of stubble. He looked, in spite of the dark circles around his eyes and his graying curls, remarkably young and vulnerable.

"I thought you could use this," Alex said and handed him a large cup of coffee.

"Thank you…"

"You look great," Alex said admiringly. "Aside from looking tired…"

"Rough night," he admitted, and Alex knew this was a huge understatement. "You look terrific."

She knew he was trying to change the subject, but she appreciated the compliment. "Thank you."

He rubbed the back of his neck. "Ok…let's get this over with…"

They entered the church with some apprehension. Bobby and Alex were uncertain of their welcome, and theirs were two of the few white faces in the crowd. They saw Deputy Mayor Torelli near the back of the church.

"Even if he's here for the political gain," Alex said. "It's a brave and nice gesture."

"I don't think it's for the politics," Bobby said.

A tall, well dressed black man bearing a badge that identified him as an usher appeared in front of them. His attitude was not friendly. "Members of the press are not welcome," he said.

Bobby stepped in front of Alex. "We're not from the press," Bobby said in his most conciliatory voice. "This is Detective Eames and I'm…"

"The police?" The usher's attitude grew more hostile. "The police didn't do much when Toya disappeared."

Several heads turned toward them, and Bobby and Alex began to wonder if they had made a serious mistake.

"It's all right, Ben." The crowd parted, and Al Lewis' large frame appeared. "These detectives are the good guys. They found Toya. They brought her back to us."

Ben changed completely. "I'm sorry," he said.

"It's all right," Bobby said. "We're not entirely happy with the way this was handled either."

"Thank you for coming," Al said warmly. "It'll mean a lot to Reggie. It means a lot to me."

The crowd's hostility changed to warmth, but Alex and Bobby felt at sea. The waves of grief in the church threatened to overwhelm them, but they also saw the comfort the words and music gave the congregation. Bobby couldn't pull his eyes away from the small, white coffin resting on the altar. Neither Bobby nor Alex knew what to do at the service's conclusion. They stood awkwardly at the back of the church and sought an escape. Ben approached them.

"Please," he said politely. "Reggie would like to speak with you."

"Of course," Alex said, although neither she nor Bobby welcomed this encounter.

The crowd around the two detectives parted, and Regine Phillips, leaning heavily on Al, moved through the opening. The minister who led the service hovered protectively behind the couple. Alex and Bobby recognized him as a frequently justified critic of the NYPD.

"Detective Eames…Detective Goren," Regine said in a strained but controlled voice. "Thank you for coming."

"We were honored that you asked us to be here," Bobby said. "We're both terribly sorry…"

"I know." Regine took his hand. "I want everyone to know…" Her voice rose. "The police may have made mistakes…There may be bad cops…But these two people…Detectives Eames and Goren…They're good cops…Good people…They got my baby home to me…"

Alex's eyes filled with tears. "But…We didn't…"

"You tried," Regine said. "You tried." She wrapped her arms around Alex, and for several minutes the two women hugged each other. As he watched, Bobby couldn't tell who was comforting who. The two women finally separated, and Regine's attention fell on Bobby. "And thank you, Detective…Thank you…" She touched his arm, and Bobby couldn't trust his voice. Regine nodded to Al, and they moved to the church entrance where they followed Toya's coffin out of the church. She moved like a great and noble queen as she led most of the congregation. Bobby and Alex stood and tried not to look at each other.

"Detectives."

They turned to face Deputy Mayor Torelli.

"Sir," Alex said.

"I see that you treat all people well," Torelli said.

"We try to, Sir," Alex said.

''Thank you for all you've done for my family…For not charging Tony," Torelli said. "He didn't mean what he said or did…I don't think he knew what he was saying or doing…"

"We understand." Bobby could finally trust his voice.

"I heard that you had to go back to the hospital, Detective. Are you all right?"

"I'm fine, Sir. I appreciate your asking," Bobby answered. "It was my fault, really…Doing too much too soon."

"I doubt that," Torelli said. "I understand that you both plan to attend Chelsea's…"

"Yes, Sir," Alex said. "If that's all right…"

"You'd honor my family with your presence," Torelli said. He choked, and Bobby reached out to steady the older man. One of his staff stepped forward, but Torelli regained control. "I'm sorry," he said. "I…I thought I had some power. I'm supposed to serve…to protect the people in this city…I can't even protect my granddaughter…How am I suppose to protect people…Like the people in this church…"

"I…I don't know, Sir," Bobby said. "I…I'm supposed to do that, and I don't feel I've done a very good job of it."

"Elizabeth has told me about your kindness…Your honesty…" Torelli said. "And I appreciate your understanding of what Tony is going through. Thank you. I'm sorry…I'm afraid I have to go…"

"Thank you, Sir," Alex said.

Alex and Bobby walked in a heavy silence back to the SUV. The silence lay like a blanket as they drove.

"Would you like to get something to eat before I take you home?" Alex finally ventured.

"I…I'm not hungry." Bobby stared out the window. "I don't suppose you'd take me back to Major Case?"

"No way," Alex said firmly. "I'm still not sure you should even be going to these funerals."

To her surprise, Bobby didn't argue with her, but remained quietly staring out the window.

"I…I'm not fit company for anyone today, Eames," he said as she pulled up to his building. "I'm sure you have something better to do than to babysit your partner."

"You're helping me too, Bobby," Alex said. "You've made all of this almost bearable." She watched as Bobby disappeared inside his carefully constructed walls. She knew the best offense was to wait until he had licked his wounds and reappeared. "You sure you're ok? You'll eat…rest?"

"Yes…I promise if I need anything, I'll call you."

Alex recognized and accepted the concession he made.

"Besides," Bobby continued. "I'll see you tomorrow…" He rubbed the back of his neck.

"I'll be here around nine," Alex said. "Unless I hear differently." She leaned towards him. "You know…You don't have to go…"

"Yes…yes, I do."

She called him later in the day. Bobby answered quickly, expressed his appreciation for her concern, and gently rebuffed her offer of dinner. Alex slept badly that night, the result of her worry for Bobby and her dread of the next day. The next morning began as an awful repeat of the previous one. Bearing coffee, she arrived at Bobby's apartment and found him waiting for her. They again complimented each other on their appearances and exchanged concerns about the other's lack of sleep.

"The Torellis are Catholic," Bobby said as Alex drove carefully.

"I hope we don't get struck by lightning when we go in the church," Alex said.

"I don't know about you," Bobby said. "But I have been in a Catholic church in recent years and nothing happened."

"So have I," Alex said. "So maybe we're safe."

She stopped roughly a block from the church, whose parking lot was already full. Large clusters of people waited at its doors.

"This," Alex sighed. "Is not going to be easy." She felt the waves of despair rising from Bobby. "You don't have to do this," she said.

"Neither of us has to do this," he said softly. "But we promised."

It was a very different service from the one Alex and Bobby attended the previous morning. In place of the shouts and cries of Toya's funeral, there was the centuries old ritual of the Catholic Mass. The massive church was nearly full. There were several rows of confused and frightened thirteen, fourteen, and fifteen year olds trying unsuccessfully to hide their confusion and fear. Much of the city's hierarchy was present, and Bobby and Alex recognized several faces from TV screens and newspaper pages. They saw Ross, clearly uncomfortable, among the Brass. Alex and Bobby found seats near the back rows to the right of the altar. They had just settled themselves when they caught sight of Regine Phillips, still looking like a mournful queen, and Al Lewis, still acting as her sorrowful consort, on the other side of the church. The congregation slowly grew silent; the organ's mournful and graceful groans increased, and the terrible procession moved slowly into the church and up its aisles. Tony Torelli was numb and white with anger and grief. Marie Torelli's face was a mask of composure. Gregory Torelli moved between bewilderment, boredom, and sadness. Elizabeth Torelli was the pillar that supported the rest of the family. She was pale, but eerily calm. She gently guided her husband with a touch on his arm or shoulder; she reassured her remaining daughter with comforting looks; she leaned over to answer her son's questions and soothe him. Like Alex and Bobby, she didn't go to Communion, but sat in the pew holding Greg.

Bobby sat uncomfortably throughout the Mass. He always felt guilty and comforted when he entered a Catholic church. His departure from the ranks of the faithful had not been a violent one. He knew many people who were justifiably angry at the Church of Rome, but Bobby had been lucky in his encounters with it and other representatives of organized religion. During his brief forays into parochial schools, the nuns he'd met were cheerful and patient women, not the psycho sisters some of his classmates told him about. The worst sins of the priests he knew were a fondness for the bottle and surrender to despair about the world. As he grew older and heard the horror stories of what many people endured in the name of God from the adherents of different religions, Bobby realized how lucky he'd been that most of his experiences with religion representatives were positive. There were many times in his chaotic childhood when the local church unquestioningly fed or clothed or even sheltered him. His mother wouldn't have survived some of her worst days and nights if it hadn't been for the kindness of a variety of denominations. Bobby admired the people who put their faith in action, but he couldn't duplicate their faith. There wasn't a sudden bolt of lightning when he lost his faith; it drifted away slowly through his adolescence and young adulthood, so slowly and subtly that he barely noted its passing. But there were moments when he mourned its passing, especially at moments like this one when he found himself trying to understand something that couldn't be understood. As the Mass continued, Bobby found himself studying Alex. He knew something of her disenchantment with the Church and skepticism of religion, and that they had a more concrete basis than his own. He also knew that she shared some of his regret about her loss of faith. They both wanted to believe, but they couldn't. His attention turned to the Torelli family, especially to Elizabeth Torelli. "How," Bobby thought. "How do you survive something like this? How do any of us survive living in a world that lets things like this happen?"

He felt very tired and weak. He leaned heavily against the pew, and felt Alex's hand on his arm.

"Ok?" she whispered.

He nodded.

Finally and suddenly it was all over. The coffin rolled out; the family followed it; and Alex and Bobby stared at each other.

"Should we go to the cemetery?" Alex asked.

"I…I don't think so," Bobby said. "I…I don't think we'd be missed or noticed."

They walked outside. The bright sun blinded them. It was a beautiful day, with the sky a shade of bright blue that couldn't be found in any box of paints. The day mocked the mourners.

"It isn't fair," Alex said as she squinted at the sky. "A day like this for a child's funeral."

Bobby nodded. He couldn't find the words for what he felt.

They walked to the end of the sidewalk. The hearse's path from the Church led in front of them, and they stood silently and respectfully as it passed them.

"Failure," Bobby thought. "You're a failure, and this is what it's led to…"

END CHAPTER ELEVEN

Patcat


	12. Chapter 12

CHAPTER TWELVE

Ross was reluctant to immediately hand Alex and Bobby another difficult case immediately after the Chelsea Torelli one. But New York City criminals were uncharacteristically quiet, and the detectives spend several days slogging through old and cold cases before Alex slipped into Ross' office.

"Look," she said calmly. "I know you think you're doing us a favor by giving us some relative down time. But that's not how Bobby sees it. He needs real work…Me too."

"As soon as I have a case to give you," Ross said. "I will. I do have a question…the Phillips and Torelli girls' personal items…Is there anything else we can give back to the families?"

"There's nothing for Toya," Alex answered. "But we still have a few things of Chelsea's…Bobby has them…"

Ross nodded. "I'll arrange for someone to return them."

"Captain…I think Bobby would like to return them…If it wouldn't upset the family."

"I'll check on that," Ross said. "But I can't imagine there'll be any problem with that. The Torellis are very grateful to both of you, and they've been quite vocal about expressing that. Even the Chief of D's is saying nice things about the two of you."

Alex snorted, and returned to her desk. She sensed and shared in some of Bobby's frustration. He attempted to concentrate on the files and photos in front of him, but she saw his relentlessly tapping foot.

"We in trouble?" he asked as she sat.

"No…"

"I'm in trouble?" he asked with a wry smile.

"No…I just told Ross we were getting tired of clearing the dust off old case files. He said as soon as a case comes in, we've got it."

"Sorry," Bobby said, his eyes on the photos. "You shouldn't have to run interference between your partner and your captain."

"Hey," Alex said. "I'm bored too."

Ross approached their desks. "I understand," he said. "That we still have some of Chelsea Torelli's things."

"Yes sir," Bobby said. "I was going to give the family a few days before returning them. I'd like to do it, but I didn't know if…well…I'd be welcome…"

"I just spoke with Mrs. Torelli," Ross said. "She's taking care of some things at their house in the city. She said now would be a very good time for you to bring those things…and she appreciates that you wanted to bring them."

"I'm afraid I can't make it," Alex said. "I have a date with Nate."

"Nate…Your nephew?" Ross said.

"By far the most important man in her life," Bobby grinned. "It's all right, Eames. I can handle it. Thank you, Captain, for making contact…"

"Not a problem," Ross said. "I got the impression Mrs. Torelli would welcome the interruption."

"Bobby," Alex asked as Ross walked away. "Are you sure…"

"I'll be fine. You've been taking care of me a lot lately, and I'm grateful. But you go ahead…Spend time with your family."

Alex surrendered. "Ok…But call me if you need me…"

"I will…Cross my heart."

As soon as Alex left, Bobby pulled the box containing the last personal affects of Chelsea Torelli from under his desk. He stared at the box for several minutes. He hated to let go of the physical remains of a case, especially one that involved a death. He felt that returning the materials to the family or, worse, sending them to the property room, threw more dirt on the victim's grave. Bobby could only view this latest case as a failure. He was reluctant to let go of his last physical connections to the case and to Chelsea. He sighed, and began to carefully organize the notebooks and other items. As he placed them in the box, he sadly remembered that Toya Phillips didn't have anything. He sealed the box and stared at his phone for several moments. He finally picked up the receiver and dialed the Torellis' number.

Elizabeth Torelli was heartbreakingly grateful and promised to wait for Bobby. A half hour later, Bobby, carefully balancing a box on his right arm, knocked on the back door of the Torelli house. Elizabeth opened it quickly, and Bobby guessed that she was waiting for him.

"Would you like some coffee?" she asked as he stepped into the kitchen. "Or something stronger? I have to confess…I've allowed myself one drink a day these past weeks…Just one…I'm not sure if it helps, but the promise of it does."

"I have to admit," Bobby said. "I wouldn't mind a drink and I'm off duty."

"You can put that on the table," Elizabeth said. "What would you like? We have a lot of stuff and lot of it. We don't drink much, but Tony's job requires some entertaining."

"Uh…Glenlivet, if you've got it…"

"I do…on the rocks?"

"Yes…Please…" Bobby watched her fill an elegant glass with ice and the dark amber liquid. She wore slightly worn jeans and a slightly bedraggled t-shirt. Her blonde hair was tied up and held away from her face by a red bandana. As she handed him the drink, Bobby tried to forget how much she looked like Alex.

"Thank you," he said. "Have you already had yours for the day?"

"Yea," she answered. "Do you think it'd set me on the road to ruin if I had one more?"

"I…I don't think so," Bobby said. "I may not be the guy to talk to. I've always been careful about alcohol. The…the man who sorta raised me…My brother…Half-brother, really…They were both alcoholics…Among other addictions." He sipped the Scotch, and as it burned its way down his throat he wondered why he'd just revealed so much to a woman he barely knew. "But you do know her," he thought. "You've studied her family and her history."

Bobby's revelations didn't disturb Elizabeth. "Yea…I know that feeling…My parents…They always liked a drink…but after Scotty…They drowned in it….It kept them from talking to each other. What does it mean that we're talking about drinking while we're drinking?"

"I don't know," Bobby said. "I'm not sure there rules about how you're supposed to act in a situation like this."

"I'm afraid," Elizabeth confessed. "Of what this will do to my family. My parents…our family…It didn't survive…It was buried with Scotty. I love Tony…But…Before this…He didn't know…He thought…Bad things happened to other people…I…I don't know what to say to him…How to reach him…"

Bobby stared into the depths of his glass. "I…I don't know what you should do…Except be there…And I know that's a cliché."

"You never had anyone there for you?" Elizabeth asked. "I wonder what's worse—never having anyone, or suddenly not having anyone?"

"I…I don't know…I…I do have…at work at least…Detective Eames," Bobby said. "But when I was a kid…"

"I'm sorry," Elizabeth said. She drained her glass. "You're doing this wonderful thing for me…And I'm discussing unhappy childhoods…What is in that box?"

Bobby finished his drink before he answered. "Chelsea's notebooks…She kept a journal…Some scrapbooks…I'm sorry we took them…They had nothing to do with the investigation."

Elizabeth stared at the box for several moments. "Could you…Could you take it up to Chelsea's room…I…I was cleaning out and sorting her things. I didn't want the other kids…And Tony isn't in any shape…"

"Of course," Bobby said. He stood and picked up the box.

"You're ok?" Elizabeth asked as she led him through the house and up the stairs.

"Yes…"

"This is unusual, isn't it," she asked. "Wouldn't this usually have been delivered by other cops?"

"I…I like to do this myself," Bobby said. "Make sure everything gets back."

He stepped into Chelsea's room. The photos and posters of soccer players and rock singers were gone from the walls. The computer was closed on the desk. Boxes dotted the floor, the book shelves were empty, and clothes were piled on the bed.

"Please," Elizabeth said. "Just put there on the desk."

Bobby carefully sat the box next to the computer.

"I…I came here to straighten out a few things," Elizabeth said. "And then…" She shrugged.

Bobby cut the tape on the box with his knife.

"You said she kept a journal?" Elizabeth asked. She pulled a battered notebook from the box. "I remember telling that it can be good to keep a journal…That it can help you figure things out…"

Bobby remembered the worn notebooks he'd filled with medical terms and psychological theories when he was a teenager and how he hid them from his father, mother, and brother.

Elizabeth pressed the notebook to her chest. "Did you read this?"

"Yes…I'm sorry…" There were moments when Bobby hated his job, and this was one of them.

"I don't know if I should read it," Elizabeth said. "It doesn't really matter now…But this…It has things that if she wanted to talk about them, she would have…"

"I don't know either," Bobby admitted. "She…she wrote poetry."

"Really? I…I shouldn't be surprised. She was quiet sometimes…Very thoughtful…And she always liked words." Elizabeth's finger ran along the pages. "Was it any good?"

"For a fourteen year old, it was. Not that I'm a literary critic…"

"Did…did she have a boyfriend?"

"Sort of …A boy named Ray…They'd shared a kiss…He comes off as a very nice and bright kid from her writing…"

Elizabeth stared at the notebook. "I…I think he came to the funeral home the night before the Mass…"

"I'm sorry Detective Eames and I couldn't get to the wake," Bobby said.

"I know you got to the funeral. That was very kind of you." Elizabeth smiled sadly at him. "Do you do this for all of your cases? I know it isn't just because of Vic. Regine Phillips told me how kind you and Detective Eames were to her."

"I saw her at Chelsea's funeral," Bobby said. He wished Elizabeth wasn't so kind. He wished that he could know if he was comforting her or making thing worse. "You talked to her and Mr. Lewis?"

"Yes…It seemed to help all of us…Mr. Lewis was trying so hard not to be angry…and Tony is so angry…I want to talk to him…But I can't reach him…And I need…to talk to someone."

"There're counselors," Bobby said.

"I know." Elizabeth looked up at him, and Bobby wished that her eyes didn't look so much like Alex's. "But…I need to talk to someone who knew Chelsea…or came to know her."

"Yes." Bobby hesitated. "Chelsea…The one I came to know…Was a good person…She wanted to make a difference for good…She wasn't sure how to do it yet. I…I wish I could have known her. I wish I could have saved her."

Elizabeth stepped closer to him. He smelled the combination of her soap, her shampoo, her sweat. "Should I read this?"

"I…Maybe not right now…I think you should wait…Wait until it doesn't hurt quite as much to remember her. And even if that time doesn't come for you…Save it for Marie and Greg. She loved them very much…Even when they drove her crazy…If they want to know their sister…It'll help…I think…"

Elizabeth tenderly placed the notebook on the desk. "I think that's good advice…I'll keep it…" She picked up some of the clothes and placed them in a box. "Tony will be upset…He's beginning to realize Chelsea was more than just his little girl…You may know Chelsea better than he did."

"I…I'm sorry…"

"It's all right." She continued to fold and put clothes in the box. "By the time they found my brother, the head of the investigation knew more about him and my family than we did." She stared at a t-shirt reading "Princess". "I never saw Chelsea wear this. I'm starting to feel like I have a target on my back." The shirt slipped from her hands. "Oh…I'm so tired…"

Bobby caught her as she slumped forward. He guided her out of Chelsea's room and into one across the hall. It was a guest bedroom, tastefully furnished but with little sign of human contamination. Bobby sat her on the bed and sat next to Elizabeth. "Ok?" he asked.

She shook. "Oh…Oh…my baby…Chelsea…my baby…oh…"

He could see the storm coming, but Bobby had no idea of how to stop it. He wasn't sure he should try to stop it. Shyly, awkwardly, he wrapped his arms around Elizabeth. "It's all right," he said. "Let go…You can let go…"

"Oh…oh…my baby…my poor baby…" Elizabeth fought for a moment, and then fell into Bobby's arms. She pressed her face up against the soft cotton of his shirt to try to muffle her sobs. She shook violently. Bobby didn't know what to do, so he simply held her.

"Why? Why? Why her? Why me? Wasn't I a good mother? And you…Why didn't you save her?"

Bobby flinched. "I'm sorry…I'm sorry…"

"Oh…I didn't mean…I'm sorry…Bobby…" Her use of his first name stabbed him. "You've been so good…You've helped so much…"

They had no idea of who held who, of who comforted who.

"It's been so long since someone held me," Elizabeth said.

"I…I can't remember that either," Bobby said.

She looked up at him, wrapped her arms around his neck, and kissed him.

END CHAPTER TWELVE


	13. Chapter 13

CHAPTER THIRTEEN

It had been a long time since Bobby had been kissed by anyone. As Elizabeth's lips moved against his own, the memory of Alex hugging him at the end of his mother's funeral swept through his mind. "No," he thought. "Forget that…Don't…Let go of her…No…This is wrong…" He tried to pull away from Elizabeth, but she clung to him.

"Please," she whispered.

"Elizabeth…We can't…I can't…the case…"

"The case is over," she said. "We're just two people…"

Bobby blinked. She was warm and soft and beautiful. He'd been attracted to her since he'd met her, and everything she'd done since then led him to care for and admire her more.

"Please," she murmured into his throat. "Please…I want to stop feeling…Please…"

The movement of her lips against his skin created tiny sparks.

"Mrs. Torelli…Please…"

"Elizabeth," she said. The sparks became flames.

"Oh…Oh God." Bobby buried his face in her neck. "Please…I'm not strong enough. You don't know what…who…I am."

"I've seen what you are. A good and brave man."

He wanted her. He needed her. He had never wanted or needed anyone like this, except for…Eames…for Alex. And she was so much like Alex.

"You…Your family…Your children…" he stammered.

"I don't know if I have a family anymore," she confessed. "I don't know if I have anyone."

He held her tighter. "But…I…I'll be using you…"

She pulled away from him and stared in his eyes. "What do you think I'm doing?"

He kissed her, and they were both lost in each other's pain and fear and want and need. She thrilled him. She was passionate and warm, desperate for his touch, and he wanted to make her happy, to make her forget. She seemed equally desperate to please him. The sight of her body awed him. Bobby stood over her as she lay naked in the bed, and she was suddenly shy.

"I..I'm afraid I'm not a…" she began.

"You're beautiful," Bobby insisted. He pulled his T-shirt over his head. "But I'm certainly not…"

She sat up and pulled him to her. "You're beautiful too." Her hand touched the healing wound in his right shoulder. "Does it hurt?'

"No," Bobby said. "It didn't hurt that much when it happened." He desperately hoped she wouldn't notice the other scars on his body. He had no desire to discuss any of the remnants of other recent injuries.

Her fingers tenderly traced a path from his right shoulder to the jagged and faded line on his left. "Did this happen to you on your job?"

"No…No…" Bobby closed his eyes and tried to forget his mother's last attack. She had flung a glass pitcher at him. (He had never gotten a good explanation of why a glass pitcher was where his mother could get her hands on it.) The pitcher shattered when it hit him and left a jagged shard of glass in his shoulder.

"I…Could we…please…"

"Of course," she said and kissed him.

His memories blessedly faded with her touch. He didn't want to hurt her. He knew that, like him, she wanted oblivion, a few moments of physical release where she could forget who she was and what had happened to her. He knew it was far from the best reason to have sex, but he also knew there were worse. He knew, and hoped that she knew, that the pleasure could be followed by horrible emptiness and loneliness. In spite of his efforts to pace himself, Bobby's need grew, and Elizabeth fed that need. She didn't want tenderness and care; she wanted pain and passion. They became a blur and tangle of skin and sweat and groans and cries.

He'd forgotten how exhausted sex left him. Even in his fogged mind, he couldn't call what they did making love. He cared for and about Elizabeth, but he couldn't say that he loved her. In his life right now, the word love was reserved for Alex Eames. Alex's face flashed in his mind, and for a brief second Bobby hated Elizabeth because she wasn't Alex. He hated Alex for not being with him. And he hated himself for using Alex and using Elizabeth. Elizabeth trembled beneath him. "I'm hurting her," he thought, and he carefully slipped from her and rolled on to his side. He tried to speak, but his voice, like much of his body, was beyond his control.

Elizabeth turned so that she faced him. Her hand gently splayed across his chest. "Are you all right?" she asked.

He nearly laughed. He was the big, burly cop. He was supposed to protect her, to save her. He had just used her, and she was asking if he was all right.

"Yes." He found a voice, although he wasn't sure it was his. "Are you?"

Her hand touched his chin. "Oh, yes."

Tears brimmed in her green eyes, and Bobby was momentarily thoroughly disgusted with himself. He touched her face. "Are you sure?"

"It…It was wonderful…You were wonderful…But when I…I came back…I remembered that Chelsea was gone…I don't know if I can save my other children…And I've used you and I'll hurt you…" The tears spilled from her eyes.

Bobby seized her, held her against his chest, and rolled on his back. He held her as her tears soaked his chest and she sobbed so violently that he and the bed shook. He rubbed her back, but said nothing. He couldn't tell her everything was all right when it wasn't, and he couldn't tell her things would get better because he didn't believe that. Her sobs finally eased and stopped, and she lay exhausted in his arms.

"Do you need anything?" Bobby asked gently.

She shook her head.

He looked at the window. It was beginning to get dark.

"Do you need to go?" he asked.

"No." She had found her voice. "I told everyone I was going to stay the night."

"Do you want me to stay?"

"I…I don't want to force you…"

"Don't worry about that. What do you want?" Bobby asked.

"Yes…Forgive me, but yes…"

She wanted to call her children to say good night and make sure they were all right. Bobby dressed and left her to make her call. He wandered through the large house to the kitchen. He opened cabinets and the refrigerator, found food and pans and started to make dinner. He wasn't particularly hungry, and he didn't know if Elizabeth was, but it gave him something to do.

"What have I become?" he thought as he stirred spaghetti sauce. "I just had sex with a married woman…Who has kids…The mother of a victim…Because she looks like…" He leaned heavily on the counter. "And it gave me peace. For a few moments…It gave me peace."

"Hey…Something smells really good." Elizabeth, wrapped in a robe, walked into the kitchen.

"I…I thought you might be hungry," Bobby said. "I thought spaghetti might be safe. I hope that's ok."

"Of course," she said. She'd wiped the tears from her face, and was open and beautiful and vulnerable.

"I'll clean up. Spaghetti can be a mess." Bobby set the heat to simmer the sauce and lifted the pasta from the heat.

"Chelsea." Elizabeth leaned on the counter. "Loved cheese…all kinds of cheese…on spaghetti. She put handfuls of grated cheese on it before she even put on the sauce…and then more on top. We all complained about it until we tried it. It's very good."

Bobby opened the refrigerator and pulled out a bag of shredded cheese. He held it up.

"Yes," Elizabeth said with a sad smile. "I'd like that."

"I," Bobby said as he sprinkled cheese into the spaghetti. "Love to put leftover spaghetti in the microwave with cheese on top." He placed the now gooey pasta on two plates, poured sauce on it, and sprinkled more cheese on top. Elizabeth pulled out silverware from a drawer and pulled a bottle of wine from the refrigerator. She joined Bobby at the table. They were both suddenly very hungry and were quiet for several moments.

"I hope you don't mind my talking about Chelsea," Elizabeth said. "No one will talk to me…or let me talk…about her."

"It's all right," Bobby said. "It's more than all right."

"It's like people think I'll fall apart or something," Elizabeth said. "Tony…Tony can't talk about her…Marie can talk to me a little…" She looked up at Bobby. "Thank you for talking to her."

"I…I just let her know it was ok for her to feel whatever she was feeling…And that she could talk to you." Bobby twirled a strand of pasta with his fork.

"Whatever you did, thank you. She can't talk to her father about it. Of course…" She stared at her plate. "I'm afraid Marie and Tony are frequently at cross purposes. They're too much alike."

"Greg?"

"He…He's confused. He seems to understand that Chelsea is dead. But I don't think he really knows what death is. The last time we were all here…after the funeral…I found him in Chelsea's room. He seemed to be looking for her."

Bobby refilled their glasses with wine.

"Greg is a makeup baby," Elizabeth said. "There wasn't any crisis…We'd just slipped away from each other…We woke up one morning and realized we hadn't talked to each other for a long time. Left the girls with Grandma and Grandpa that weekend. Nine months later there was Greg." She smiled at Bobby, who felt his heart twist. "This is so weird. Talking about my family with the man…the man…"

"The man you just cheated with," Bobby said softly.

"Yea…Yea…" Elizabeth ran a hand through her hair. "I've never done anything like this before….I don't know…the rules…"

"I…I've never done this either…" Bobby leaned forward and rested his head in his hands. "God…"

She stood and walked to him. They hugged each other.

"We're not bad people, are we?" Elizabeth asked plaintively. "I…I just need someone…No, not someone…You…Because you know…"

"What it is to lose people you love?" Bobby said. "Yea."

They held each other for several moments.

"Here," Elizabeth finally said. "Let me help you clean up."

"Do you want to save the food?" Bobby asked, grateful for the return to the everyday.

"Yea," she said. "We could have some for breakfast…."

He paused as he put the plates in the sink. "You…You want me to stay?"

"If…if you want to…" She concentrated on placing the leftovers in a container.

Bobby rinsed the plates and placed them in the dishwasher. He shut the door, straightened, and rubbed the back of his neck. "It…It's been a long time since I slept…and I mean slept…with someone…"

"I…I could really…Please…" Elizabeth said.

"I need to warn you," Bobby said. "I have bad dreams. But I don't think I snore or steal the covers…"

Elizabeth put the spaghetti in the refrigerator.

"Leftover spaghetti," Bobby said. "Has always been one of my favorite breakfasts."

END CHAPTER THIRTEEN


	14. Chapter 14

I confess I was afraid there might be some flack over my connecting Bobby and Elizabeth, but everyone's been accepting. So...on with the story.

CHAPTER FOURTEEN

Alex sipped her coffee and walked into Major Case. She was both satisfied and curious when she saw no sign of her partner. This was the fifth day in a month that she'd beaten him in to the office. She'd also arrived at the same time as him on several other days. In all of the years of their partnership, Alex had only beaten Bobby into the office when he was off chasing some clue. Before this month, the only times they arrived at Major Case at the same time were when they had stayed at one or the other's home because they were too involved with or exhausted by a case to get to their own beds,

Alex deposited her purse in her desk, switched on her computer, and looked at her partner's desk. His binder and coffee weren't on the desk, and Alex felt reasonably certain Bobby wasn't in the building. As she scanned her emails, Alex considered Bobby's recent behavior. In addition to not arriving early—he was never late but was mastering the ability to arrive at the last possible moment to avoid it—he was no longer staying late. He was still more than willing to stay later, arrive early, or not go home if it meant coming closer to solving a case, but it now appeared that not all of his life revolved around work.

"Or me," Alex thought ruefully. They still frequently ate lunch together; they still devoured pizza and Chinese food in the middle of the night. But Bobby wasn't available for weekend breakfasts, and he had even, with great reluctance and promises of future events, begged off opportunities to hang out with Alex and her nephew. There was the morning she called Bobby to let him know they were needed on a case. It took him longer than usual to answer his phone, and when he did, Alex could've sworn she heard a muffled female voice in the background. And there were the moments when his cell phone would ring with a tone Alex didn't recognize and he would scurry to another room to answer it.

"He's involved with someone," Alex thought. "And he doesn't want anyone to know…not even me." She felt pangs of jealousy and anger. She had always told Bobby about her dates, had even introduced him to a few. Bobby was less open about his romantic life, but he commented to Alex about a few of them and sought her advice about how to treat them. She even met one or two at some police functions. Alex thought that it had been some time since either of them discussed a date, and she realized with a slight shock that Bobby had reacted to some of her descriptions of dates with a sad resignation.

"You should be happy for him," Alex thought. "If anyone deserves to be happy, it's him…"

Juggling his binder and coffee, Bobby stepped into Major Case. Ross was right behind him.

"Your partner beat you in again, Detective," Ross said with a smile.

"Yes," Bobby agreed. "But I am here before you, Captain."

"True," Ross said. "I'm glad you seem to be getting some rest. Good morning, Eames. You're making the rest of us look like slackers."

"Someone has to keep an eye on things," Alex said.

Ross smiled as he turned to go to his office. Alex watched as Bobby deposited his binder, turned on his computer, and started his day. The one thing arguing against the possibility Bobby was in a new relationship was that he showed none of the euphoric signs that usually accompanied a new love. He seemed more peaceful than he had in months—more peaceful since before his mother's fatal illness—but there was no joy in him.

"Eames," Bobby asked. "Am I that fascinating?"

Alex started. "Sorry…I…I was just wondering…You seem to have developed a life outside of work."

Bobby concentrated on his computer screen for a moment. "I…I may have developed one…Or at least a little part of it…"

Alex twirled her pen. "You…You don't…It doesn't seem to be…thrilling…"

"It…It's complicated," Bobby said. "I…I'm not…I don't want to hide things from you, Eames…It's just…There is another person…And…" He waved a large paw. "It's complicated."

"Are you happy?"

"Yes…But then, my experience and definition of happy is a bit unusual," he said with a wry smile.

Alex didn't press the issue. He was happy; he arrived at work sharp and rested. Whatever was happening in his life had good results. But Alex was frequently disturbed by the sadness that surrounded him, a sadness that seemed to be from more than the pressures of the job. In some ways, she regarded this as a sign that the old Bobby was coming back. Their solve rate remained high even through all of his troubles, but Bobby's preoccupations and suspension cut heavily into the number of cases they cleared. Alex knew that part of Ross' support for Bobby came because the detective's absence greatly lowered the Major Case Squad's efficiency ratings. Bobby was simply grateful for the support, didn't question the reasons for it, and worked as well as he ever had.

But Bobby's attitude and behavior gnawed at Alex. It reminded her of something or someone she couldn't quite put her finger on. One day at lunch Bobby's cell rang with that unfamiliar tone. He gave her an apologetic look, walked away from the table, and huddled in a corner. And Alex knew where she'd experienced that behavior before. Roughly a year after Joe's death she'd stumbled into a relationship with an Assistant D.A. who was separated from his wife. He was honest with Alex. He had hopes of making his marriage work again, and his two kids had to come first. Alex agreed and understood, or at least she said she understood and thought she did. She found herself waiting for his calls and grabbing any moment she could be with him, even if it meant disrupting time with her family and friends. It was when she realized she was letting her job slip that she knew the affair had to end. The lawyer wasn't terribly upset when she broke it off. He had been trying to find some way to do the same thing. Bobby's behavior reminded her of her own.

"Somebody's using him," Alex thought. She stabbed a tomato in anger. "Somebody is going to hurt him." She tried to calm herself. "He's a grown-up…He's not some innocent…He's had plenty of girlfriends…But…" She watched him. He faced away from her, but she saw the tension in his body. "He's a romantic. He's sweet and kind and he lets women walk all over him. He wants so much to love…to be loved…"

Bobby turned, and Alex stared at her salad. He returned to the table, and Alex knew him well enough to see the disappointment in his eyes and body.

"Ok?" she asked.

"Uh…yea…" Bobby opened his sandwich, removed bits of onion and tomato. "Just…Eames…You know that raincheck I asked for the last time you took Nate to the zoo?"

"Yea…"

"Could I take you up on that this weekend?"

"I'll need to check with Nate's Mom and Dad," Alex said. "But I don't think there'll be a problem. Nate will love it. So will I."

The disappointment left him. "Great…Great…"

"I thought you had plans for the weekend," Alex said cautiously.

"Uh…They fell through," Bobby said.

Alex stabbed again at her salad. "I…I know it's really none of my business…But…You've always stayed out of my life unless I asked you not to…And you've always given me good advice…"

"I appreciate your concern," Bobby said. "I really do…But…There's circumstances…"

"It's just…I don't want you to get hurt…or used…"

He looked at her with surprise and guilt. "I…There's always a chance of getting hurt…and I'm…I'm not being used…Or if I am, I don't mind. But thanks again for the concern."

She didn't press further. She was already surprised that he'd allowed her so far inside his carefully defended walls.

She and Nate spent a great Saturday at the zoo with Bobby. Nate insisted on visiting his favorite animals, and Bobby delighted Nate with obscure and wonderful information about them.

"He's a good kid," Bobby said as they watched Nate run around to roust the birds near a food stand. "He was worried about how the animals felt about being in cages. Pretty compassionate for a kid his age."

"You ok?" Alex asked. "You…you seem a little preoccupied…"

"I was just thinking Nate is about the same age as Greg Torelli…I'm sorry," he said in response to Alex's disapproving look. "You know I can't bury past cases."

"Yea," she said understandingly.

"Nate's lucky…To have two parents who love him." Bobby watched Nate wistfully.

"Yea," Alex agreed. "My sister told me that the parents of a friend of Nate are splitting up. The little boy is very confused, so he's been spending a lot of time with Nate. Apparently one of the parents was having an affair. Too bad when kids get hurt because of that."

Bobby was quiet for the rest of day, something even Nate noticed.

"Are you ok, Bobby?" he asked as they walked to Bobby's car.

"I'm just thinking about a lot of things," Bobby answered.

"Aunt Alex says you think too much some of the time," Nate said.

Alex blushed, but Bobby smiled. "Your Aunt Alex is absolutely right…I do think too much," he said.

In spite of Alex and Nate's please, Bobby declined an invitation to diner at the boy's house. "I'd love to," he said. "But I have to take care of some things."

Alex didn't hear from Bobby on Sunday. She spent the day with her family and enjoyed herself as much as she had in a long time until Nate asked her why Bobby was so sad. She didn't have a good answer for the boy or herself. "Whoever he's involved with," she thought. "She's not making him very happy." She managed to tear herself away from her family and get to bed at a decent hour, so she wasn't as grumpy as she might have been when her phone woke her shortly before five.

It was an apologetic and sleepy Ross. "I'm afraid this is probably a simple case," he said. "But it's a politician wanting NYPD's best…"

"It's good to know Bobby and I are the best," Alex answered. "I'll call Bobby and we'll be at the scene as soon as we can."

Bobby didn't answer his phone until the tenth ring. He was distracted and confused. "I'll be ok as soon as I get a shower and coffee," he responded to Alex's concern.

"I'll pick you up in exchange for a cup of coffee," Alex said.

"You got it…Thanks, Eames."

Traffic was till light, and Alex made good time in reaching One Police Plaza. The officer in charge of the car pool was an old acquaintance, and Alex got the SUV and arrived at Bobby's building much earlier than she expected. She decided not to call on the chance Bobby might still be in the shower. She stuck a card identifying the SUV as a police vehicle on the dash and headed up to Bobby's apartment. She stepped from the elevator and froze. There in Bobby's open front door were Bobby and Elizabeth Torelli engaged in a deep and passionate embrace and kiss.

END CHAPTER FOURTEEN


	15. Chapter 15

CHAPTER FIFTEEN

CHAPTER FIFTEEN

Robert Goren developed and tried very hard to live by a set of principles. In the past two years, as his life fell apart and he was battered from without and within, it grew harder and harder to live by those principles. When he expressed those principles to Mike Stoat, he realized that no matter who his father was, his feet were set in some moral concrete. But he now he was involved with a married woman-not only a married woman, but the mother of a victim with two surviving children. He made no demands on Elizabeth. He came and went at her request. He never stepped between her and her children. If and when she decided to end the affair, he wouldn't fight her. But it grew harder to maintain his equilibrium as the days went by. Elizabeth was remarkably kind, but there were many times when she had to cancel time with him. He didn't mind, he assured her, and he meant it. After their first frenzied meetings, they often didn't have sex. They simply held each other and talked, or rather, Elizabeth talked and Bobby listened. The sex brought him oblivion and peace, but he never initiated it. He felt he had no right. He knew the man he'd thought was his father and his brother would sneer at him for letting a woman walk over him, but this at least distanced him from the horrible possibility that he was acting anything like them. He still felt awful when Elizabeth spoke about Marie and Greg, and the Saturday he spent with Alex and Nate spurred him to a decision. Greg and Marie deserved a family. Tony Torelli deserved the chance to save his family. Elizabeth deserved to be with a man who loved her and could care for her and not some damaged thing that confused her with another woman.

Elizabeth came to his apartment on the Sunday night after his Saturday with Alex and Nate. She'd been there only once before, but Bobby thought if he met her on his home ground he might be able to think and speak clearly. He ordered Thai from one of his favorite restaurants, and the food was on his table and waiting when she knocked on his door. He opened the door, and his resolve wavered. She was beautiful in a pale blue dress and her hair pulled away from her face. He quickly realized she was as nervous as he was. They ate in silence.

She helped him clean the dishes. As she stacked plates in the washer, Bobby watched her. "You know," he said. "We've both spent a lot of time doing this together."

She smiled. "I guess we both like a clean house."

"I…I need to talk to you," Bobby said.

"Yes," she said. She leaned against the counter. "Tony…Tony wants to go to counseling…He's reaching out…Finally…He's trying to talk to me…And to the kids…He wants to save our marriage…And…and so do I." She rubbed her eyes. "Oh, Bobby…"

"It's all right," he said softly. A great weight rose from his chest, but it left a great hole. "I…I realized yesterday…I care about you a great deal…The time I've spend with you has been wonderful…But I can't keep you from your family."

"But…you never…"

"I know what you've told me," Bobby said. "And maybe it's true…But I can't…Even the chance that I'm doing that…You're wonderful…You bring me peace…I…"

She stepped closer to him, and her scent made his head spin. "I've used you," she said sadly. "You've been so good to me. You're a good man."

They hugged. He hadn't planned to have her stay the night, and he didn't expect her to come to his bed. But their bodies needed to say their farewells.

His cell phone's ring brought him out of a deep sleep. He sluggishly and carefully untangled his body from Elizabeth's. He fumbled for the phone.

"I'm sorry," he told Elizabeth after he hung up. "That was Eames…"

"It's ok."

"I wanted to give you breakfast," he said. "But…"

She smiled sadly. "Thank you."

He showered first and fixed coffee while she took hers. As he handed her the cup, he tried to memorize her face. "I…I'd appreciate knowing how things work out for you," he said. "How Greg and Marie are…I hope things work out for you…I…I think you have a chance."

"I think you have a chance, too," Elizabeth said. "I…I'll keep in touch…Even if it's just a card at Christmas."

Bobby nodded.

She sat her empty cup on the counter. "I'll go now."

"I'll walk you down…"

"No," she said. "Thank you, but no…I may change my mind if you do that." She walked to the door. "You should tell her…Eames…You should tell her."

Bobby stared at her.

"I know why…you," Elizabeth said. "I know I look like her. It's all right."

Bobby stepped up to her. "Thank you," he whispered. "Thank you."

She wrapped her arms around his neck and kissed him. He returned the embrace and the kiss, and they pushed the door open. Bobby saw a movement at the elevator, and reluctantly released Elizabeth.

"We…We need to stop," she said. "It'd be ironic if we get caught just after we decided to end things."

"Yea…"

"Thank you, Bobby. Goodbye."

"Thank you, Elizabeth. Goodbye."

He leaned against the door frame and watched her walk to the elevator. It took all of his will not to rush after her as she waited for the car. The door opened, she turned and smiled sadly at him, and then she was gone.

END CHAPTER FIFTEEN


	16. Chapter 16

CHAPTER SIXTEEN

"I've done the right thing," Bobby thought. "So why do I feel so awful?" He rubbed his neck. "Maybe because you know what you did was wrong…Very wrong…The very fact you don't want Eames to know about this…Every time you do something you don't want to tell Eames, it turns out horribly. How long is it going to take you to figure that out, Goren?"

His cell rang, and Bobby shut the door behind him as he moved back inside his apartment.

"Hey…it's me…I'm downstairs…" It was Eames, but she sounded tense and strained.

"Eames…Are you ok?" Bobby walked to the kitchen to get her coffee.

"Yea…I'm fine…Are you ready?"

Bobby hesitated. Alex seemed very cold and angry. "Yes…Just let me get your coffee and I'll be right down."

"Well, hurry up…We need to get to the scene." She clicked off her phone.

Bobby stared at his phone for a moment. "Maybe I'm making too much of this," he thought. "But…I know she was fine when I talked to her earlier…Maybe something Ross said or did…No…She seemed angry at me…But what could I have done…" His thoughts kept him unhappy company in the elevator. Just as the car reached the first floor, he thought that the only thing that might have upset Alex was his just ended relationship. "But…she didn't push…She seemed to understand…Of course…If she knew…" Bobby froze as he stepped out of his building. "What if…Oh…Oh, God…The person on the elevator…Was it Alex? What if she saw us?" Bobby saw the SUV waiting on the street. For a moment he considered fleeing back to his apartment, calling Ross and resigning, and running to Alaska. Not that he had ever been to or was particularly fond of Alaska, but it would take him far away from Alex. It was the thought of being far away from Alex that sent him toward the SUV.

He fumbled with the passenger door, but managed to get in the car without dropping his binder or spilling the coffee. "Your coffee," he said and apologetically offered the cup to Alex.

She wordlessly accepted it and didn't wait for him to fasten his seatbelt before she merged into the street.

Bobby hesitated, uncertain of what to say. If Alex was angry at him for what he thought she was, she had every right to skin him alive. If she were angry at him for something else, then he risked facing her wrath over not being able to read her mind and for what he feared. And if he didn't talk to her, the rest of the day would be colder than a New York City street in the middle of January.

"I…I…" he began.

She shot him a look, and Bobby withered under it. "I gotta tell her," he thought. "Not talking to her brings you nothing but trouble…Be a man and tell her."

"We…We broke up," he said flatly.

The SUV jerked as Alex started.

"The…the woman with the circumstances," he stammered. "I…We…there were too many people who could get hurt…I…I'm not proud of what happened…"

Alex remained focused on the road, but Bobby saw her jaw muscles tighten. "I…We both…" His mouth was suddenly and terribly dry.

"I saw you," Alex said angrily.

"Uh…What…"

"I saw you…You and Elizabeth Torelli…In the door to your apartment…"

"Oh, God," Bobby muttered.

Alex slammed on the brakes. "How could you! The mother of a victim! And the daughter-in-law of a Deputy Mayor! What were you thinking? Were you thinking at all?" She was white and shaking with rage. Bobby shrank away from her. A horn honked, and Alex rolled down her window. "Police!" she yelled and flashed her badge. Bobby saw the driver sink back in his seat and pull into another lane. "And you…" Alex's attention returned to Bobby. "You didn't tell me! You didn't tell me! I thought we had this settled!"

"I…I know," Bobby said feebly when he thought it might be safe for him to speak. "I…I didn't think…Oh, God…I…I told you what I could…I…I wanted to tell you more…But…Like I said…There was someone else involved…I…I'm sorry."

Alex tightly gripped the steering wheel. "All right," she said when she could trust her voice. "We'll talk about this later. Can we work together?"

"Yes." Bobby wondered if this might be the last case they would work together.

"All right." Alex put the SUV in gear and started down the road.

"Thank you," Bobby said softly after several miles. "Thank you for not embarrassing Elizabeth…"

She glared at him. "I was too shocked to do anything. I don't want to talk about this now."

Bobby was enormously grateful for the hapless perps who hijacked a truck full of imported rugs in front of a city councilman's home. Piercing together who, what, when and where wasn't a huge challenge. By the end of the day Bobby and Alex managed to find the truck, tracked down three of the four perps and most of the rugs, got a good lead on the last crook, and turned one of their suspects on the others. The case was just enough to keep Bobby and Alex from dwelling on the elephant following them. But as Alex and he moved back to their desks after getting the confession, Bobby realized he would have to talk to her soon.

He stood with his back against the door of Ross' office as Alex reported on the case. "Great work," Ross said genially. "Sign the reports and get out of here."

His head bowed, Bobby quietly followed Alex out of the Captain's office and to their desks. He sat and tried not to look at her as he signed the reports. "She has every right to be angry," he thought. "I've traded a few moments of peace for hell…But…But I have to tell her…I didn't meant to deceive her…God…What if Elizabeth was right? What if…No…No…It can't be…I can't…I can't…" The thoughts ran through his head as he finished the forms in record time. When he looked up, Alex was still plowing through her paperwork.

Bobby swallowed. "Can I help you with those?"

Alex looked up at him in surprise. "Yea…Here…" She shuffled several form across their desks to him, and he began to work through them.

Alex tried to study him without appearing to study him. "He told you they ended it," she thought. "He knew it was wrong, and he stopped. And he did tell you as much as he could…It takes two people to do something like this…What really bothers you, Eames…That he broke the rules? Or that he broke the rules with someone else? Someone who looks like…" She quickly dropped her head so that Bobby couldn't see the shock on her face. "Elizabeth Torelli…looks like me…"

"Uh…Eames," Bobby said softly. "I'm finished with those…Is there anything else?"

"No," she said hastily. "I'm almost done…I just need to sign these…"

He cautiously rolled his chair closer to her. "Please," he whispered. "I…Can we have dinner together? I…I need to talk to you…"

"Ok…" She avoided his eyes. "But we go Dutch…Like I said…I know your financial state…"

Several minutes later Bobby huddled against one side of the elevator. He was stunned that she agreed to talk to him. He tried to read her mood as they rode down, but her face was a mask. Her body was so tense Bobby thought he could bounce a quarter off of her back. They reached the ground floor, and Bobby meekly followed her out of One Police Plaza. She walked to a pub frequented more by lawyers than cops, and then to the darkest, most out of the way booth. They gave their orders to the waitress, who warned them that their booth's location meant that they might not receive the quickest of service.

"That's all right," Alex said offhandedly. "We appreciate the privacy."

"Ok," Bobby thought. "She's at least not openly hostile…Maybe she'll at least let me try to explain…" He stared into his beer.

"I'm sorry," he finally said. "I'm sorry…You're right about this…But…I couldn't tell you who…She deserved the privacy…Although I should know by now…Anything I can't tell you…I shouldn't do…"

"Why the two of you?" Alex asked.

"That night…When I took Chelsea's things back…She…Elizabeth…Was alone…And…We…Needed…And…After that night…" He clutched his glass. "I…When I was with her…It…It seemed to help her…And it…It gave me peace…for a few moments…It was wrong…I knew it was wrong…But the peace…"

"Who broke it off?" Alex's voice was calm.

"We…We both did. This morning." Bobby glanced at her. "You…You saw us?"

Alex nodded.

"We…We were saying goodbye." Bobby's face crumpled. "I couldn't do it any more…She couldn't…We knew…Both knew…It was wrong…Eames…Alex…I…I'm not trying to make any excuses…I couldn't say no to her…I couldn't tell you…I'm sorry."

Their food arrived, and there were several moments of heavy silence as they picked at their dinners.

"Did you…Do you…Love her?" Alex asked.

Bobby shook his head. "She knew that…I cared about her…but I didn't love her."

"Did she love you?"

He shook his head again. "And I knew that. It was all right. Besides…" He stabbed at a French fry. "Who's going to love me?"

"No!" Alex rose from her seat and punched Bobby's arm.

"Ow!"

"Don't do that! Don't you dare do that! Don't beat up on yourself!" Alex fell back in her seat. "I bet you never called her. You were at her beck and call…You let her…"

Bobby looked at her in confusion. She was angry, but the anger didn't seem to be completely directed at him.

"I…I didn't have the right," he said. He wanted to rub his arm, but thought it would be a sign of weakness.

"She pushed this, didn't she? You didn't pursue her…"

"I…I…It takes two people," Bobby stammered. "All I had to do was say no."

"Bobby," Alex said with a combination of exasperation and sympathy. "You couldn't turn away your brother after a lifetime of him hurting and betraying you. You couldn't turn away Declan Gage. You tried to help your nephew without knowing anything about him. You even tried to help Nicole Wallace. How could you turn away a relatively good person who was in as much pain as Elizabeth Torelli?"

Bobby flinched. "It…It wasn't just her. She wasn't the only one…who…who used…"

"How did you use her?" Alex asked.

"I…I am a guy," he said weakly.

"One who's not like other guys," Alex answered gently. "I know you…I know you want more than just sex…You've never been able to keep it just on the physical…I've seen you get your heart broken…"

Bobby shifted uncomfortably. "There…It wasn't just her…"

"Elizabeth was a substitute," Alex stated.

Bobby stared at her in horror. "Please…don't…"

"She looks like me," Alex said.

He stared at his untouched burger. "Oh, God," he muttered. "Everything…" He wished the floor would open and swallow him up. He wished he had the courage to pull his backup piece and blow his brains out. "I…I…I didn't realize…Until it was…" He swallowed. "No one could ever be a substitute for you. In any way."

Alex couldn't speak for several minutes. She looked at the despairing man across from her. "He's collapsing from the inside," she thought. "He's in hell…"

"Bobby…It's all right." She smiled. "I suppose I should be complimented. Elizabeth Torelli is a beautiful and elegant woman."

"Not nearly as beautiful and elegant as you." Bobby decided if this was the last time he would ever see Alex, he would say what he had always wanted to say to her.

"That…That's the second time in five minutes that you've left me speechless," Alex said shakily after a few moments.

"Alex…I…I…"

"Bobby." Alex took a deep breath. "Let's deal with it. Do you…Do you care for me?"

"No…It's more than that…I…I love you."

"And you show it by…"

"By finding a substitute…" Bobby muttered. He leaned back in his seat. "I'm sorry, Eames. You deserve better than this. Much better. I'll request the transfer." He shook his head. "Hell…I'll just resign…"

"No!" Alex nearly swung again at Bobby's arm. "After all we've been through, you're not going to give up…Just because you did something…Well…something not very bright…"

Her tone softened as she spoke, and Bobby looked at her. She smiled at him, and he felt a spark of hope.

"If I had resigned every time I did something stupid," Alex said. "I'd have no pension at all."

"I…I'd have no job," Bobby said hesitantly.

"Look," Alex said. "I've done dumber things…for worse reasons."

"I can't imagine that," Bobby said. He rubbed the back of his neck. "But…What about…My…"

"Our feelings?"

"OUR feelings?" Bobby asked in wonder.

"Yea." Alex reached across the table and took Bobby's hand. Her touch was warm and comforting.

"I…Alex…I'm so confused…"

"Me too…What I realize…Just…Is…One of the reasons I got so angry at you is…I was jealous…" Her cheeks reddened, and she looked away from him.

Bobby struggled to deal with the exploding thoughts and feelings in his head. "Wait…Wait….Ok…You…You still want me to be your partner?"

"Yes."

"Uh…Ok." The storm in his mind eased slightly. "But…you're angry with me…"

"Yes…But I'll get over it." A smile played on Alex's face. "Actually, this shows me that you're human…Just like me…" She took a deep breath. "When I was in a bad spot…After Joe died…I did something stupid…Like you…You at least were trying to comfort someone…I didn't even have that in my favor…I forgave myself…I can do the same for you."

The touch of her hand on his warmed him.

"And…And the way we feel?" he managed to ask.

"Well…I don't know about you. Right now I'm really confused. I'm not sure if I want to smack you up the side of the head or kiss you. Probably both."

"Yea," Bobby sighed. "I…I understand…I think…I mean…I don't want to smack you up the side of the head…I never have wanted to do that…But…" He rubbed the back of his neck. "I…I better shut up while I can."

"Yea, that might be a good idea," Alex said warmly. "Quit while you're ahead. C'mon…Let's pay the bill and get out of here." She stood and started to walk toward the bar, but realized Bobby wasn't behind her.

"Eames…Alex…" Bobby stood. "You…You really want to kiss me?"

Alex smiled. At the moment, Bobby looked less like a big, smart NYPD Detective and more like the shy, awkward boy she sensed he'd had to hide most of his life. "Yea," she said. "I take it the feeling is mutual?"

He reached for her and, after glancing around the bar, pulled her to him. He stepped back into the shadows, taking her with him. He looked at her with his great, dark chocolate eyes from under his long, elegant eyelashes. Alex felt a great and wonderful warmth begin just behind her heart and spread throughout her body.

"Yes," Bobby said huskily. "Very mutual."

And he kissed her.

END

Confessions: This story was suggested by one part of the wonderful book THE LOVELY BONES by Alice Sebold. It's the story of a young girl who's raped and murdered and watches from heaven as her family and friends deal with her death. One small element of the story is that the detective investigating the case--a lonely and troubled man--has a very brief affair with the dead girl's mother. I'm afraid I haven't done this moving, and in the end, in spite of the subject matter, comforting novel justice. This ending certainly isn't all I'd like it to be.


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